


Borrowed Time

by whattomwants



Series: Borrowed Time [1]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Crying, Death, Death Wish, Drama, F/M, Friendship/Love, Pregnancy, Relationship(s), Requited Love, Sad, Terminal Illnesses, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-11-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whattomwants/pseuds/whattomwants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nora hasn't seen Tom in almost two years. After falling out of touch he suddenly calls her to meet him one day. Little does she know that his time is limited and he will ask her for a favor that will change them both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Borrowed Time

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for now, but is subject to change.

What is it that makes people grown apart? I guess it could be a number of things from one moving away to simply realizing you’re two very different people. Maybe they finally got their big break and you know deep down inside when they come back, if they ever do, things just won’t be the same. They’ve experienced things you can hardly begin to relate to and suddenly they’re thrust into the spotlight. They make new friends who know what it’s like to be famous and you go on with your dull normal life like you do every day. You see them once in a while, but only on a screen. You try to call them up months after not speaking to one another only to find their number has changed and that last bit of them you had been clinging to is all but gone forever. At least that’s what happened to me.

I sat alone outside the small London café where “he” had told me to meet him. It had been at least 2 years since I had heard from him and when he called me out of the blue I was truly shocked. I wonder if he realizes just how many attempts I had made to contact him before I just gave up. We had gone to University together those were some of the best years of my life, but it wasn’t without its darker moments. After graduation he decided to pursue his love of acting at RADA, while I took my teaching degree and began working at the local primary school. We still made time to see each other he was different then. He valued our friendship told me no matter what we would always be together. I went to all his plays, saw all of his television programs, and supported him completely. Then one night while we were out with friends he received a phone call that would change everything.  He had been cast in an upcoming blockbuster action movie of epic proportions. I was happy for him though deep down I knew our time was limited. I couldn’t have been more right. The moment he left for filming was the moment I lost him. We were in different times zones, phone calls were rare and hard to come by, and soon they stopped all together.

I tucked my long auburn hair behind my ears trying to keep it out of my face a few loose tendrils relentlessly hitting my face. Looking down at my watch I sighed heavily. He was late as always. The waiter brought me another cup of coffee hoping it would suffice my growing anxieties. As I poured in my last packet of sugar I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder and squeeze it tightly. My heart stopped everything went silent. I shifted my green eyes upwards and gazed upon his smile before meeting his own stellar baby blues.

“Wow Nora you look…”

“Coffee?” I asked interrupting him as he took a seat across from me.

“No thank you.” I could feel his eyes gazing at me and a pit began to form in my stomach. “You’re cross with me.”

I smirked. “I can’t be cross with someone I don’t know.”

“Is it really going to be like that?”

“I don’t know Tom you tell me.”

Tom Hiddleston was a real piece of work. With just one glance he could completely melt your heart no matter how much you wanted to be angry with him. That’s how it always was. He was also an unchangeable optimist who thought everything could be made better no matter how broken it really was. To be honest his positive outlook on life at times made me want to puke for no one should ever be that happy all the time.

“I’m sorry.”

Did I mention he also apologized like it was going out of style? I rolled my eyes and set my spoon down on the table. “Sorry doesn’t fix everything you know.”

“I know it doesn’t, but I don’t know what else to say.” I took a sip of my coffee pulling my eyes away from his. “How have you been?”

“Good. Really good.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“If I was why would it matter?” I began to take in his physical appearance noting that he looked quite different from when I last saw him. He had always been rather thin, but now he was drastically gaunt and pale. His skin almost matched the color of his blonde hair and his clothing seemed to barely be able to stay on his now boney figure. “You’re really thin.”

He smiled softly. “It’s um…for a movie role.”

I noted the slight hesitation in his voice, but decided not to press the matter further. “You’re starting work on Thor 2 soon.”

“I am.” He replied somewhat shocked that I had kept track of his budding movie career. “You should try out to be an extra. One of those girls in scantily clad outfits.”

“You’d like that.”

“I would.”

“Pervert.”

“Always.”

For once that afternoon it seemed like old times. It amazed me how easily we fell into a conversation and any anger I held towards him had all but left. We talked about our careers. I was very surprised to hear him take such an interest in what I had chosen to do with my life. We spoke about our families. He was saddened to hear about the passing of my mother and our beloved cat Twiggy. We spoke about art, our philosophies on life, and any other topic you could imagine. As the conversation began to wind down I could see in his face that he was hiding something from me. His lips quivered struggling to just get the words out.

“You can tell me.”

“I know that it’s just hard sometimes. My brain…doesn’t work the way it used to.” The way he said it gave me an uneasy feeling and I watched as he lowered his head trying to hide the tears that had formed. “I lied about losing weight for the movie.”

“I know.”

“Yet you didn’t say anything.”

“Well you don’t seem like the type to have an eating disorder so I thought I’d let you tell me yourself before I jumped to any conclusions.”

“I can’t gain weight.” He said sniffling and wiping his eyes. I opened my mouth to speak but was quickly shut off. “It’s this treatment I’m getting.”

“So you are sick. What is it like a 24 hour flu bug or something?”

I gasped as his eyes met mine their coloring seeming to shift to a nice shade of green. “I have cancer Nora. The headaches were the warning sign and I ignored them as long as I could. Then the aphasia started and I have trouble speaking now. I can’t walk straight I’m too dizzy all the time, I’m nauseous…”

“Can’t they just go in and fix it?”

“It’s inoperable.”

“Then why go through treatment?”

“Because it will give me at least a year to sort my life out. I’m on borrowed time now and I’m going to make the best of it.”

I could feel my heart jump into my throat and everything around me began to spin. Here was a man in his 30’s and he was dying. A man who was once my best friend who I use to do everything with and now I had to deal with the fact that once day I was going to have to go on without him. My stomach began to turn and I tried desperately to hold down the lunch I had just eaten. I was crying uncontrollably my head throbbing from the building pressure inside of it. I didn’t want him to go.

“You can’t just die.”

“Do you think I want to?”

“What did your parents say?”

“I haven’t told them yet. In fact I haven’t told anyone, but you.” It seemed a little odd given the circumstances.  Why would he seek me out? Why me out of everyone who knew him? “I have a wish I would like to have granted before I die. It may seem a little out there and you have every right to say no. This is why I called you I couldn’t imagine propositioning anyone else with this, but you.” I took a deep breath and held it. “I want to know if you would have my child?”

The moment that sentence escaped from his lips I leaned over and expelled my lunch onto the wet pavement. I heard the legs of his chair scrape loudly in the calm afternoon air and I threw my hand up. “Don’t get up I’m fine.”

After all I didn’t want to cause him anymore trouble then he was already having. I sat up and grabbed my napkin dabbing the corners of my mouth before taking a sip of my drink to cleanse my mouth.

“I know it’s…” I watched as he struggled to get the words out and my heart sank. Clearly he knew exactly what he wanted to say it was on the tip of his tongue, but he simply couldn’t get it out. It was as if his brain was playing a cruel joke on him and the man who was once so fluid with his words was silenced involuntarily.

“Why me?” I asked hoping to give his mind a rest enabling him to be able to form a constructive sentence properly. “I mean you have dated plenty of women, slept around probably more times than I can count on my two hands, I just don’t understand why you would ask me. We haven’t even seen each other in 2 years.”

“Because you’re the only girl I ever really loved.” He closed his eyes and wrinkled his forehead a clear sign a massive headache was coming on.

“Is it that or because of what happened at University?”

The truth was Tom and I were more than just friends. No one quite understood the complexity of our relationship making it easy to hide what really went on behind closed doors. Some days we couldn’t stand each other and we argued constantly. We would banter back and forth sometimes playfully sometimes taking personal jabs at one another. Most people never even understood why we spent so much time around each other. Despite everything there was always that tiny spark between us. When I first met him it was as if a bolt of lightning had gone right through me. It was an instant attractive, lust at first sight if you will. He is the only man I have ever gone to bed with 6 hours after meeting and while both of us agreed it would be only a one-time thing it never was.  It’s hard to explain, but I really did fall in love with him. I like to think he fell in love with me though neither of us said it out loud.  We were invincible nothing would ever happen to us or so we thought.

He played with his fingers not sure if he wanted to respond to my question. For a brief moment I thought he would simply get up and leave, but he didn’t. “What happened at Uni is in the past we can’t change it.”

“Then why do you keep trying to?” I let out an exasperated sigh and leaned back in my chair. “I had a miscarriage it wasn’t your fault it wasn’t my fault it just happened. You expect me to carry your child for you again and what if it doesn’t work out? What if there’s something wrong with me and I’m unable to have children? I don’t understand why you would put me through that pain again.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you and I’m not trying to make you relive it. I came to you because I trust you. You are my best friend.”

“Who you didn’t call for two years.”

“I did call you. At least I tried to. The one time I did that stupid bastard you were dating answered the phone and told me not to call you again.”

I puckered my lips deep in thought. “I haven’t had a boyfriend in almost 4 years.”

“Then who the hell was Dan?”

Dan McLeod had always been jealous of Tom’s and I’s relationship starting from the moment he met me at Cambridge. Tom never paid him much attention so it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t remember him.

“You remember Dan. A little taller than me, brown hair, freckles, liked to follow me around school.”

“Not the guy who would carry your books for you. Why on earth would you ever want to date him?”

“I wasn’t dating him. I can’t believe he did that. I promise you I had no idea he had even answered my phone.  I would have never missed an opportunity to talk to you.”

He nodded. “Well after that I changed my number and just left you alone. I didn’t think you wanted to see me.”

I felt slightly ashamed for my attitude towards Tom after everything came to light. It wasn’t his fault that we had lost touch and now I felt like it was all mine. I grabbed my purse from under my chair and swung it over my shoulder.

“I should be going.”

“Wait.” He stood up slowly trying to stop me before I left. “Will you at least think about what I said?”

“Tom.” As much as I wanted to just forget he had even said anything for some reason the idea of carrying Tom’s child lit a certain fire inside of me. Not the kind you get when you’re angry, but more of a pleasant warm happy sensation.  “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.” I turned around to leave my mind racing with thoughts. “Nora?” I turned back and looked at him. “Call me sometime?”

I smiled softly looking down at the ground before raising my head to glance at him. “I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”


	2. Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora has come to her decision over the request Tom made to her. Will she carry his child and if so will she be able to handle the emotional stress of Tom's illness that she hadn't quite taken into account?

I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling a million thoughts running through my head. This was the position I assumed the day I got home from my meeting with Tom and I remained as such for the rest of the week. The only time I left my bed was to use the bathroom. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and his request completely disabled me with fear. I had never been one to want children which always seemed to throw people off. A school teacher who didn’t want children of her own? I didn’t mind other people’s kids they always went home at the end of the day, but having one of my own was forever. I know I promised to call him, but I hadn’t gotten up the strength quit yet to even dial his number. As Sunday came to an end I had made my decision and there was only one thing left to do. I reached over and grabbed my phone which I had turned off so as not to be disturbed. As I turned it on and the data came flooding through I got a phone call from the very person I was trying to contact.  I pressed the answer button and put the phone up to my ear.

“Do you realize you have called me 88 times?”

“I got worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

“I told you I needed to think about things.”

“You also promised you’d call and you didn’t.”

“I didn’t know you were expecting me to call right away.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes a little annoyed by all the bickering we were doing. “Listen is it ok if I drop by?”

He was more than willing to give me his address and sounded rather excited to see me. I quickly hung up and got dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweater. As I left my flat and stepped out into the chilly London night I realized I had never felt surer of myself than I did in that moment. There are so many times in life where you either make the wrong choice or regret the one you’ve made, but that simply wasn’t the case. I knew what he wanted and I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t afraid to tell him exactly how I was feeling.

The drive was short as I pulled up to his house which was surprisingly quite public yet no one ever seemed to bother him.  I opened my car door and listened as it scrapped gently against the curb causing a steady stream of obscenities to flow from my mouth. I locked my car and the moment I opened the gate the front door flew open. There stood his tall lanky figure hiding somewhat in the shadows of his own dimly lit living area.

“Is this what you do then? Lurk by the front door.”

I could hear his faint laugh which was more of an ‘Eheheheh’ something you only see on the internet. I stepped inside and was surprised to see that he had lit a fire. “Are you that cold?”

He nodded and stumbled over to the couch his gait more wobbly than I had expected. “I’m sorry I called you so much.”

“88 times.”

“Yes well one can never be too worried.”

“There’s a difference between being worried and being a downright lunatic.” Before it could go any further I put an end to our silly little fight. “I have come to my decision.”

“I figured that much.” I watched as he grabbed the cup of tea from its saucer which sat neatly on the end table next to the sofa. I wanted to hear him say he was ready for my answer, but instead he sat silently.

“That’s it? You’re not going to ask me what it is?”

“Do you want me to?”

My eyes widened as I shook my head. “Yes I do.”

“You haven’t changed a bit. You always need attention. “

“I do not! I just want to feel like you actually care I mean this is a big deal!”

“I know it is Nora. Did you forget that I’m dying here? Do you really think I don’t care?”

“This is getting us nowhere so I’ll just give you my answer and then you can do with it as you like.” I drew in a deep breath and held it. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes I will have your child. There I said it.” I watched a certain twinkle fill his eyes though he didn’t show his excitement on his face. What I said next caused it to slightly fade away. “I have conditions though.”

“We didn’t agree to any conditions.”

“I know. It’s just one and I promise it’s not too much to ask of you. I was just thinking that I don’t like the idea of you living all by yourself so either you come live with me at my flat or I come and stay here.”

He smiled at the idea though I knew how hard headed he could actually be. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Who said anything about babysitting? I just want our child’s parents to at least be living in the same house.”

“No you’re doing it because you’re worried. I can’t take care of myself. I’m perfectly capable of…” It happened again the sudden loss of words watching the desperation in his face as he tried to get them out.

“Tom you need me. Everyone needs someone. Those are my conditions you either take them or leave them. Decide how much you want to have this baby because I took one of those ovulation tests and now would be a smart time to get that part out of the way.”

He finished his tea and placed the cup back onto the saucer. “You can stay here. I’m quite comfortable where I’m at.” He stood up stretching out his long legs which looked quite nice in the pair of trousers he had decided to wear that day. Not that I paid much attention to those kinds of things. “Now I have my own conditions.”

“You can’t ever just let me have all the glory can you?”

“No. Now there is a matter of your job. There will come a time when I will need round the clock care and I would much rather have you around than some nurse I don’t even know.”

“I can’t just quit my job it’s my only source…”

“Don’t worry about money.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“You can and you will.” Dammit I did rather enjoy when he was forceful with me. “If this is to come to fruition you will accompany me everywhere.”

“Even to the loo?”

“You know what I mean. I’m starting filming on Thor soon and I want you there with me. They don’t know of my condition and it will be easier to deal with if you’re there. I will be there for all your doctor’s appointments and I expect the same. Now the bedroom is upstairs you may sleep there if you wish if not I can provide you with other sleeping arrangements.”

I pointed towards the stairwell. “Care to show me?”

He rolled his eyes and I mocked him not exactly knowing what caused his sudden change in attitude. I felt his strong hand on my shoulder and he clamped down it so hard I thought for sure I would simply topple over.

“Gentle Tom. I break easily.”

“Sorry…” He replied. “…I just need you to help with my balance.”

Shit here comes the feelings of guilt rushing right back into me. I wrapped my arm around his tiny waist and helped him to the second floor first door on the right. I pushed it open with my foot and stared at the large bed which sat against the wall. It was covered in black linens and not very impressive at all.

“This is where the magic happens.” He said trying to make a joke. “You know they say that on Cribs a lot. I always wanted to say that.” He let go of me and walked over to the bed plopping down onto it. “I know it looks really bland. I wanted to fix it up, but between work and treatment it hasn’t been easy.”

For a second I had forgotten he was even sick, but upon inspection of his night stand there were visible reminders everywhere. There were about a dozen pill bottles all with his name on them all to help ease his suffering as best they could. I felt my eye water as tears filled them for it hadn’t quite hit me as hard as it did then. The news was bad enough, but to see that it was really happening made it worse.  He reached out and grabbed my hand pulling me into him.

“Don’t cry please.”

“I can’t help it.” I kept staring at the pill bottles their hue a disgusting shade of orange beneath the strong light from his lamp and then my eye caught something. Behind them was the image of two distorted people. “Can I move some of these?” I didn’t even need to say anything more as he reached behind them and grabbed the picture. “I can’t believe you kept this.”

“I would never throw it away.”

I stared at the two very familiar looking individuals much younger than they were today. “We were pretty decent looking people weren’t we?” We both laughed. “Where was this? It looks like it’s right inside the Bridge of Sighs.”

“It is indeed. That was the day when it was so cold outside. Do you remember? I gave you my jacket which you never gave back.”

“It was a nice jacket.” I quipped nudging him in the side playfully. “Why did you keep this?”

The corners of his mouth turned upward slightly into a crooked half smile. I watched his eyes flicker and waited for his response. “This is the day I fell in love with you.”

I felt my heart stop in my chest. Did he actually just say it? All those years we went without so much as even uttering such a thing and then, tonight he just said it without hesitation. I cleared my throat and placed the picture back on the table.

“I uh…I think we should…” Before I could finish I felt his lips against mine. They were soft and supple just as I remembered them. I bit down on his lower lip as I pulled away to look into his eyes. “…you read my mind.”

I then felt his warm hand force its way between my legs and there was no turning back for once Tom even so much as touched you, you were done for. I pulled his face into mine kissing him again this time allowing my tongue to enter his mouth. It wasn’t long before I found his and our tongues began dancing wildly around one another. I felt a tug at the hem of my pants and was happy with myself for little did he know, but I had made his job just a little bit easier. I pulled away and stood up standing there in front of him in my somewhat sloppy attire.

“Just fair warning some things have change.” He nodded. “So don’t be too disappointed.” He nodded again and my eyes shifted downwards towards the bulge that had formed in his trousers.  “Am I talking to much?”

“Like always.”

“Sorry o.k…” I pulled off my sweatshirt exposing my ample boosums which I had always been rather ashamed of. I developed quite early and was teased relentlessly over the size of my breasts which were now a whopping 34 DD.

“They’re bigger than I remember.”

“Ugh are they? God now I just feel really self-conscious.” I quickly threw my hands over my breasts a pit formed in my stomach and it just sat there.

“You’re going about this the wrong way.” I tilted my head slightly in confusion. “Do you mind if I?” He pointed towards my hands and as much as I wanted to hide I couldn’t.  I felt his soft hands touch mine and a cold shiver raced down my spine. “Alright?”

“Fine. I forgot how soft your hands were.”

He smiled and pulled my hands away exposing my breasts to him once again. “You have no reason to hide from me. If anyone appreciates a beautiful woman it’s me.”

“Oh God you are so full of sh…” Before I could finish I let out a loud gasp as I felt him take my hard nipple into his mouth. I grabbed at his hair running my fingers through it and as I pulled my hand away I took note at the large amount of hair that had fallen out in my hand. I tried to hold it in tried not to let him know that it bothered me, but he could feel my body tremble with anxiety. He pulled away and looked at me before grabbing my wrist and pulling it towards him. “I’m sorry.” I said feebly.

“Don’t be. The doctor’s told me this would happen it’s alright really.  I’ll be glad once it’s all gone it will be less for me to take care of.” He chuckled and I shook my head. How could he still be so optimistic? “I don’t have any other choice Nora. There’s no point in wallowing in something I can’t fix. I’m still living, right here, in this moment and I’m going to enjoy it while I can before I get to a point where I can’t even remember your face anymore.”

That night was different than any other night I had spent with Tom. His love making was no longer that of a silly school boy who simply wanted to have sex, but of a man who truly grasped the concept of passion. He was slow and sensual sending me over the edge not once, but three times that night. Never in my life had I felt more wanted, but that all changed the moment he finished. He rolled over to lie down next to me his breathing was quick and labored. I turned over on my side and wiped the sweat from his brow, but he didn’t dare look at me.  Silence quickly filled the room and I watched as his eyes flickered.

“Did I do something wrong?”

He sat up and grabbed his boxers putting them on before standing up. “I’ll show you to your room.”

“I thought you said I could…”

“Just do this for me.”

I got out of bed and wrapped the sheets around me confused as to what I did to merit such a cold reception following such a lovely session of love making.  He slowly walked out into the hallway and I followed closely behind him.

“Why won’t you just talk to me?”

He finally stopped and turned around a somber look present on his face. “I don’t want you to get too attached.”

“Oh. Right yeah of course not. I mean you’ll be gone and I’ll be all alone. Though you seem to forget I’m female so it may be a little hard not to have some feelings for you surface.”

“Don’t let them.  It’s like you said you’ll be alone and I’d rather you not have to cope with extra feelings.”

“Because having a child isn’t enough to deal with.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“But I wanted to.”

“Why? Why did you decide to give me a child? Is it because you pity me because if it is then we should stop this right now.”

“I did it because you’re my friend and I lo…”

“Don’t say it.”

“I want to do this for you.  Not because I pity you, but because you are a good man and I want you to be happy even if it’s just for a little while. When you go no matter what I will still have that little part of you with me always. I’ll still be able to somehow hold on to the friend I lo…”

“Stop.”

“Sorry. Why is it ok for you to say it?”

“I made a mistake alright?”

I felt my heart drop and I could see he was already beginning to regret his words, but it was too late. “Just show me to my room. I’m quite tired.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well Tom…” I said drawing my eyes away from his. “…sometimes sorry just isn’t enough.”


	3. Pain You Can't Take Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has finally mustered up enough courage to tell his parents about his condition. Their reaction is expected and one of pure grief. As he and Nora leave the restaurant they run into a friend of Tom's and it is revealed that he has his own plan of how he wants to tell his friends.

We made love every day for a week and while it always started out slightly romantic by the end of it all he was cold and frigid. I knew he didn’t want me to get attached, but how could he expect me not to? I was going to be carrying his child after all God willing. I lay in my bed the moonlight danced upon the cold wood floors and I watched as a shadow crept across my wall. I didn’t dare turn over to look at him for I was still reeling from our last somewhat emotionless physical contact. I felt the bed shift and I closed my eyes hoping if I pretended to be asleep he’d go away. He brushed the skin on my shoulder with his finger tips and I felt his hot warm breath against my ear as he whispered softly.

“I’m sorry.” I threw my eyes open quickly, but said not a word. “Sorry for everything. How I’ve been treating you, how I have treated you in the past…”

“Why the sudden change in demeanor? Are you going to blame that on your illness too?”

He sighed. “I just don’t want you to remember me like that.”

“I wasn’t going to. I don’t really want to talk about this right now I’m pretty tired.”

I expected him to just get up and leave, but I felt a breeze against my back and then his warm body pressed against mine. His once strong arms wrapped themselves around me and he tucked his head in the crook of my neck.  I opened my mouth to speak, but the sound of his heavy breathing and slight snoring stopped me. It was amazing how quickly he fell back to sleep and I assume it was because he felt comfortable at least that’s what put me to sleep.

That night I dreamed about Tom being healthy the way he used to be and then a voice woke me from my sleep and knocked me back to reality.

“Are you going to sleep all day?”

I sat up and held the covers against my bare chest brushing my wild hair away from my face. “I was planning on it. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“I need you.”

I quickly got up wrapping the covers around me. “What do you need?” I waited for him to tell me his request, a glass of water for his medication perhaps a massage to relieve some of the tension in his shoulders.

“We’re having lunch with my parents.”

I felt a pit form in my stomach and I immediately fell back onto the bed. “I’m not really in much of a mood to be around your parents.” He then grabbed my arm and lifted me from the bed pushing me towards the bathroom. “Tom seriously…”

“I need you there. I’m going to be breaking the news to them.”

When he said that I knew there was no getting out of it. He needed a support system and after all I had agreed to his conditions. I quickly showered not even bothering to blow dry my hair. I put it up into a messy wet bun and opened the door to the bedroom. To my surprise my clothes had already been laid out for me which meant Tom was in a big hurry. He always did things like this in the hopes that I would get ready faster, but it rarely ever worked. I put on the bright yellow dress with its white floral pattern and the brown flats as quickly as I could before heading downstairs.

“Thank you for that. I was really struggling with what to wear.” I stared at him his hand pressed against the wall the other rubbing his forehead softly. “You alright?”

“Yeah I just have a headache.” He shifted his eyes towards me and a weak smile crossed his face. “You look nice. I always liked how you looked in yellow.”

“Because you paid so much attention to my clothing.”

“I did. More than you think.” My heart fluttered and he reached out opening the door. “Ladies first.”

As we walked into the restaurant I immediately felt out of my element. It wasn’t extremely high end, but posh enough that I knew I didn’t fit in. He gave the hostess his name and she nodded knowingly escorting us to a table in the back where Diana and James Hiddleston were already seated.  He brushed his hand against his mother’s back and her face lit up. She stood up and threw her arms around her son who in her eyes would always be her little boy. As she released him he offered his hand to his father who shook it and then it was time for him to introduce me. They knew who I was to an extent, but I had only met them a total of 3 times.

“Mum, dad you remember Nora. We went to university together.”

Diana smiled and shook her head. “Of course I remember her. You were quite smitten with her.” I felt the knot in my stomach increase as she shook my hand. “Sometimes he wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“Then again Tom likes to talk.” James chimed in. “How are you darling?” He stood up and pulled my seat out for me like a proper gentleman.

“I’m doing well.” I replied tucking the bottom of my skirt beneath me as I sat down. “How are you two?”

“Divorced.” His dad said with a chuckle. Tom had never liked talking about his parents divorcing and his mother was quick to change the subject.

“Tom you look thin. Here eat. We ordered some appetizers help yourself.”

I glanced at Tom whose face was a little paler than usual. I could tell he didn’t have much of an appetite and his headache was beginning to really get to him.

“Are you thinning my boy?” James asked taking note of Tom’s thinner than normal hair. “Ah well it runs in the family.”

“I’m sorry.” Tom said breathlessly. “Excuse me.” He then shot up from his chair and headed straight to the bathroom with me at his heels. I stopped for a second a little hesitant about strolling into the men’s room, but my friend needed me. As I stepped inside I could hear the horrible sounds of him retching and could feel my own stomach beginning to churn. I turned and grabbed a few napkins dousing them with water before heading to the stall at the very end where he had taken solace. He hadn’t locked the door I suppose he didn’t really have time to. I pushed it open and placed the cold napkins against his neck. As I went to pull my hand away he grabbed it holding on to it tightly as his breakfast finally expelled itself from his stomach.

“You’re o.k.” I said reassuringly as he gasped still spitting out the remnants of his meal. “Feel better?”

“Not really.” He let go of my hand and pressed on the toilet handle flushing away his sick. “I’m surprised my mother hasn’t bolted in here by now.”

“I’m sure she’s waiting by the door.” I helped him up as best I could and walked him over to the sink helping him rinse his mouth out. “There good as new.” He drew in a deep breath and the two of us headed back out. Sure enough his mother was there a look of panic on her face. “He’s fine his breakfast just didn’t agree with him.”

We walked back to the table and took our seats. I had hoped Tom would tell them up front instead of waiting until the last minute, but as the conversation went into its second hour I felt as if he was too afraid to just let it out.  I pulled his head towards me as his mother told us of his childhood for the 3rd time that day.

“You have to tell them.” He looked at me with worry and I grabbed his hand from under the table. “I’m here its o.k.”

He listened as his parents laughed and knew he was about to completely devastate them.  “I have something to tell you.” The moment he said that it caught their attention and my grip on his hand got tighter. “This isn’t easy for me to say.”

“You’re taking a break from acting. Oh Tom I knew you were over working yourself. You’re exhausted you need to rest!” Diana exclaimed patting his cheek. “My poor baby.”

“That’s not it.”

She then looked at me and looked at him. “Oh…” She smiled widely. “You’re getting married!”

“No.” I quickly said in a rather low voice.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Um…”

“OH MY GOD! TOM!” Before she could get up to celebrate Tom grabbed her hand and guided her back down into her seat. “I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!”

“Nora isn’t pregnant.” Tom said annoyed by his mother’s behavior. “I’m…I’m sick.”

Diana gasped. “Is it the flu? I told you to go get your flu shot!”

“I have cancer.” A thick silence fell over us and it seemed as if the world stopped moving for a brief minute. I closed my eyes and wished it all away. I wished away his sickness, I wished away the grief his parents must have been feeling in that moment, but he hadn’t even told them the worst part.

“C…cancer? But they can treat it right?” His dad asked as he choked on his words.

Tom shook his head only magnifying their emotional pain. “It’s inoperable brain cancer. I’m getting chemo that’s why my hair is so thin it’s all falling out. It won’t save me, but it will at least give me a year to do what I have to do before I go.”

“Tom this isn’t funny.” Diana by now was in tears and as much as she wanted this to be some sick horrible joke eventually she understood that it wasn’t.

All I could do was sit back and watch as this man’s parents fell apart. Diana cried so hard she screamed and it is an image I will never be able to get out of my mind. His dad tried to be the strong one, but even he found himself unable to keep from breaking down. It was heart wrenching and I couldn’t do anything. His mother got to a point where she was physically ill from the crying and his father had to escort her home before they got to say a proper goodbye. It was then I realized that I knew her pain. I had felt it the day I found out I had miscarried. Tom said he would call them as they left and then they were gone. He had finally revealed his illness to the two people who meant the most to him. As hard as it was he knew it had to be done. He tried to apologize for the scene they caused, but I immediately covered his mouth before he could even finish the word ‘Sorry’.

“Don’t you dare apologize for your parents they are losing a child and I know how it feels.” I pulled my hand away from his mouth and his eyes wandered down to glance at the floor.

“You’re right.” He ran his hand through his hair and pulled it away staring down at the hair follicles that had fallen out in clumps. “I’m ready to go if you are.”

He paid the bill and the two of us headed outside to the car. As we crossed the parking lot Tom caught sight of a familiar face and he immediately called out to him.

 “Benedict!”

I knew who Benedict Cumberbatch was after all he had caused quite a stir with his show Sherlock which I had yet to watch. He was shorter than Tom but only by about 2 inches. His hair was dyed dark more than likely for a new movie role and it contrasted nicely against his tan skin.

“I just can’t get away from you.” Ben joked I jumped slightly for his voice was deeper than I expected. “And who is this?”

“This is my friend Nora.” I reached out and shook his hand not realizing I had been holding my breath the entire time. “She’s staying with me for a bit.”

Ben raised his eyebrow his lips curling into a smile. “Just a friend?”

“Just a friend.” I repeated. Why did I want to make that so clear?

“Hey we’re having a dinner party this weekend.” Tom said excitedly.

“We are?” I said shocked for this was the first time he had mentioned it.

“Yeah. Ben you should come and bring a date.”

“I may take you up on that. It was good seeing you.” The two friends departed while Tom and I continued our walk to the car.

“When were you going to tell me about this dinner party?”

“I just thought of it. I don’t want a repeat of what happened with my parents.”

“So you’re going to invite your dearest friends over for a night of fun and then break their hearts?”

“What would you have me do?”

“I don’t know make it a little more personal maybe.”

He turned me around to face him clearly upset by my attitude. “If it were that easy I would. Pretty soon they will figure it out and so will the tabloids and then it will be all over the place. I want them to know before I get made into some kind of circus freak. You’re not the one who's sick so don’t tell me how I should break the news to my friends.”

“You’re right.”

“What?”

“I said you’re right.”

“Say it again.”

“Now you’re just pushing it.” What could have turned into a very chaotic situation had turned quite light hearted and the two of us smiled at each other.

“I have just one more thing to ask you before we leave. You ask me this all the time, but I feel like no one ever asks you.” He cupped my face in his hands and I shivered. “Are you ok?”

I felt my heart beating in my ears as I nodded and replied the only way I knew how. “Yeah. I’m o.k.” I wasn’t.


	4. The Light at the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's dinner party is full of unexpected twists and turns including a visit from his friend Benedict. It is filled with anger and not quite going the way he planned, but as with all things in life there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was absolutely dreading waking up Saturday morning. I sat up in my bed and arched my back trying to relieve some of the tension in my muscles. I turned my head slightly taking in the sight of the semi-naked Tom that had somehow snuck into the bed with me. He was particularly good at it like some kind of ninja for I truly never even felt the bed so much as tremble. Either he was extremely stealthy or I was a heavy sleeper. I straightened myself and turned my attention towards the window looking out at the gray English sky the soft rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance. It was the perfect weather for a day like this. I felt a cold hand rub against my back and I smiled softly.

“How do you do it?” I inquired grabbing my hair in my hands and swinging it over my shoulder. “How do you manage to sneak into bed with me?” I began to braid it as I waited for his answer which came swiftly.

“I’m secretly a ninja.”

I giggled and nodded my head. “I totally knew it. “

“How bad do I look today?”

He had gotten into the habit of asking me this every morning and I always gave him the same answer. Maybe it was because I didn’t want him to be sick so I just told him he looked fine partly to make myself feel better.  I could never give him an honest answer for it was too painful, but for some reason today I decided to put my pain aside. I looked at him tilting my head slightly making sure I took in every single detail of his appearance. His face was actually fuller than I had seen it probably due to his sudden fluctuation in food intake to try and alleviate some of the symptoms of his chemotherapy treatments. His hair no matter how much of it he had lost was curly and blonde almost taking on the appearance of ramen noodles his eyes sparkling and vivid in color. A small curl of his lips forced a smile on my face as I finished braiding my hair and gave him my honest opinion.

“You actually look really good today. Sick, but still good.”

It turned out to be one of Tom’s better days. He barely faltered his words, his balance had greatly improved and he seemed like his old self again. Luke had been nice enough to setup for the party at Tom’s request and as I finished getting ready I could feel my nerves beginning to take over. I had yet to meet Luke who was a very important part of Tom’s life and the more of his friends I met the more nervous I became. These poor people had no idea what was about to happen to them and as Tom came to collect me from the bathroom I let him know it.

“I feel awkward shaking these people’s hands knowing that within the next hour you’re going to be telling them you’re dying.”

He leaned against the doorframe folding his arms and sighing loudly. “I thought we had discussed this. Nora this has nothing to do with you.”

“You think just because I’m not the one who’s sick that this doesn’t affect me?”

“I know it affects you. I know this all too well, but it’s not up to you to decide how these people find out about my illness. It’s my choice, my cancer. Now just fucking suck it up and deal with it like an adult.”

That last phrase was more or less his cancer talking for Tom would never speak to a woman with such disrespect. That’s the one thing I truly hated about his disease. It had the power to change him. One minute he could be the nicest man you ever knew the next he didn’t care about anything at all. At times it was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I got up and straightened out my teal colored dress with the open back making sure I looked somewhat decent. I walked to the door stepping out to head downstairs. He grabbed onto my upper arm squeezing it tightly and pulling me back.

“Don’t embarrass me.”

I shook my head and stared into his eyes which were now cold and grey. “Go to hell.” I yanked my arm away and turned on my heels walking down the stairs with him right behind me.

We headed into the kitchen where Luke was standing hovering over the table making sure everything looked presentable. I glanced over my shoulder as Tom passed me his warm body brushing against my back as he took in the sight of the food on the table.

“You brought lots of chocolate. You know me too well.”

“Oh look Tom showed up.” Both men turned their attention towards me and at that moment I simply wanted to crawl under a rock and die for I had let my mouth get the best of me. “Sorry.”

“Who is this?” Luke asked pointing in my direction.

Tom walked over and threw his arm around my shoulders only making the situation more uncomfortable than it already was. “This is my friend Nora.”

“A girlfriend? Tom I told you all relationships need to be…”

“Not my girlfriend.” He immediately corrected him. I wrinkled my nose a little upset that he was so quick to dismiss the idea, but I had done the same.

“Well than…” Before he could answer another set of footsteps came from the other room and a deep voice echoed through the house.

“Luke I just…” Benedict appeared in the kitchen and smiled at me quickly. “Sorry I know I’m early. I thought maybe Luke could use some help. I hope you don’t mind.” Tom shook his head. “Lydia is coming later on.”

'His girlfriend of course." I thought to myself not sure why it seemed to bother me. After all I didn’t even know Benedict and maybe his celebrity was starting to get to me. I decided to make myself useful in an attempt to get my mind away from things. I trotted off into the living room leaving the boys in the kitchen to talk about more manly things. I made sure all the sofa cushions were straight and that all the snacks on the coffee table looked their best. As I stood up and dusted the crumbs from my hands I got the scare of my life. I jumped at the sight of Benedict standing right next to me and thought for sure I was going to have a heart attack. My chest felt tight and I couldn’t help but take in every single breath I could. I sounded like the little engine that could huffing and puffing until I finally calmed myself.

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry. I was just wondering if you needed any help.”

“No no I think I’m good.” I wiped my palms on my dress and walked past him only to be stopped by his hand grabbing my arm. “What is with men grabbing my arms this evening? I’m not a yo-yo!” He pulled me back a concerned look on his face. “Don’t do it.” I knew exactly what he was going to ask and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“He’s one of my best friends and I deserve to know what all of this is about.”

I shrugged trying to play it cool. “He just wanted all his friends over. That’s all.”

Ben chuckled. “Tom doesn’t throw house parties. Tom goes to parties that other people throw. He also doesn’t have random women just living in his house with him who aren’t his girlfriend. He’s a hopeless romantic he doesn’t do the friends with benefits deal…often.”

“Oh so he’s done this before?” I could feel the monster in the pit of my stomach roaring with anger at the idea of Tom being with other women and tried everything I could to suppress it knowing he didn’t want me to get attached. “Nothing is going on. We’ve known each other since University that’s all. I needed a place to stay.”

“He looks well today doesn’t he?”

“Indeed. He looks well every day.”

“So you like him as more than a friend?”

“Well I…I mean we dated a bit.”

“And you just decided to randomly stroll back into his life?”

“No he called me.”

“Why?”

I thought for a second. “Because of reasons.”

Ben smirked. “You’ve been on tumblr.”

“I like to maybe troll it every now and then.”

“His fans were commenting on how thin he was looking.”

For some reason my mind was beginning to wander from this conversation probably because of how quickly we bantered. That and the fact that my A.D.D. never really allowed me the attention span I always wanted. I began to ramble aimlessly not thinking at all about what I was saying.

“Yes he said it was for a movie role.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“Chemo will do that to you.” The moment I realized what I said my eyes widened and I stared at him. “Oh God don’t tell him I said that.” Benedict than grabbed my hand and yanked me into the nearest bathroom. “Shit I didn’t mean to say that.”

“He’s getting chemo?”

I nodded knowing I may as well tell him. “He has cancer.”

Benedict was in shock. He leaned against the sink lowering his head trying to find the words to say. “He’s going to be ok though right?” He looked up at me and as much as I wanted to tell him yes I couldn’t lie. I shook my head no and he released a loud breath.

“It’s inoperable brain cancer. He maybe has a year at the most. He’s throwing this party so he can tell everyone the news at once even though I told him this may not be the right way to do it.”

Just then the door flew open and there stood Tom looking both angry and confused.

“What is going on in here?”

Benedict and I looked at him and then back at each other.

“Um…” I managed to grunt.

“Wrong answer.”

“We were just talking that’s all. I think Luke forgot to put out the cheese tray I’ll go look for it.” Ben then darted past Tom disappearing from sight and leaving me there to deal with the angry actor on my own.

I stepped out and could feel his eyes staring at me. “What?”

He curled his lips together. “Were you snogging him?”

I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous the question was, but decided instead to take a different approach. “If I was would you be jealous?”

“Yes.” My heart fluttered. “Forget what I said about not getting attached it was stupid. I should have known it would be completely impossible and I admit these past few weeks have been amazing. I know at times I can be hard to put up with and I can be a real bastard, but in all honesty I have never been happier in my entire life. You make dealing with this just a little bit easier and I…I love you. Not just in a literal sense, but for being here for me when I needed you the most.”

I held back my tears instead trading them in for a wide smile. “So what does all of that mean?”

Before he could answer me people began to arrive requiring almost all of his attention. Before he walked away I made it a point to remind him of one very important thing. “Even if this doesn’t go the way you planned just know I’ll still be here.”

It didn’t go at all as he planned. Most of the guests were somewhat furious that he had told them in such a public way almost as if he were mocking their feelings. Some were completely devastated and left before he could even apologize for his actions. When all was said and done and the last person left it was just he and I.

I walked into the living room Tom was sitting in an armchair in the dark for the light hurt his eyes and upset his headache. I sat down next to his chair grabbing his hand and stroking my fingers against the soft skin on his knuckles. I knew not only was he experiencing a great deal of physical pain, but now it had been topped with the emotional pain as well.

“Are you going to be ok?” He didn’t answer me instead standing up and grabbing my hand hoisting me off the floor. He laced his fingers with mine and drug me towards the stairwell. “What are you doing?”

He stopped and looked over his shoulder a smiled perched on his face. “I’m going to make love to my girlfriend.”

* * *

Who knew that simply missing a period would be such a big deal, but it was indeed. I paced about the bathroom staring at the pregnancy test that sat in the sink the hourglass continuing to blink teasingly at me. It was now or never. I could have missed it due to the amount of stress I had been through lately or this could be the real deal. Tom wasn’t feeling too great that morning and no matter how much I tried to coax him into the bathroom with me he opted to stay in his nice cozy bed.

I looked down at my watch the minutes seemed to go by slower than normal. That’s always how it was right before your life was about to change. Time seemed to almost stop as if it was giving you a chance to savor the last few minutes of the life you once had. I took a deep breath as the three minute mark finally came and went. My eyes shifted towards the sink and I reached out taking the test in my hand. I held it upside down still nervous about seeing the results.

“I don’t know if I can do this!” I yelled to Tom hoping for some words of encouragement, but hearing nothing. He must have been too tired to even answer. I flipped it over and my stomach dropped. My heart stopped and my very breath left me. Pregnant. I was actually pregnant. I was feeling a mixture of complete ecstasy and worry. I was never one to believe in such a silly thing as God, but the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test I closed my eyes and prayed to God to let me have a healthy pregnancy. Let me have this baby for not only Tom, but for myself. If he would give me that I would maybe consider becoming agnostic after all it was better than nothing.

I jumped up and down a few times racing out of the bathroom towards the bedroom gripping the test tightly in my hands. I threw open the door and shouted.

“TOM I’M PREG…” Upon seeing him I loosened my grip allowing the test to fall to the floor a state of panic had now set in. I stared at the red stained bedsheets blood was gushing from Tom’s mouth and his muscles were tense and frigid. I immediately grabbed for the phone and called for an ambulance which arrived just as he began to slip out of his seizure.

I sat in the hallway hoping to hear news of Tom’s condition, but with each doctor that passed me it seemed it couldn’t come soon enough. I leaned my head down resting it on my knees and covering my face with my arms to mask my tears. I had never seen anything so frightening in my entire life. Seeing him there unable to control his body, his eyes blank and lifeless. I had always heard about people biting their tongues during seizures and Tom had nearly bitten his in half. I heard the shuffling of feet coming closer to me the sight of a man’s white tennis shoes barely visble through my tears.

“Nora? He’s alright. This happens a lot to people who deal with brain cancer.”

“Does it?” How could he speak about it so nonchalantly?

“I know it’s hard, but he’s fine.”

“He’s not fine.” I lifted my head and wiped my eyes. “Stop saying that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can I see him?” I wasn’t in the mood to talk I just wanted to be near him.

“He’s still very out of it.”

“Can I see him or not?”

Within a matter of minutes I was escorted to Tom’s room by one of the nurses on duty and as she left closing the door behind her I began to take in my surroundings. The room was white and cold something you’d expect from a hospital. Everything was so clean and the sight of it almost made me sick. I turned my head staring at the heart monitor which echoed through the room each time Tom’s heartbeat. It was surprisingly comforting for every time it made its loud pulsating sound it meant that he was still here. I took a seat next to his bed glancing up at him. It was obvious his tongue was extremely swollen from the trauma it had just been put through, but other than that he looked rather peaceful laying there. I grabbed his hand and his heart monitor went crazy. I smiled and slowly his bright blues became visible through his half opened eyelids.

“Hi.” I said not sure how to react to him. He tried to reply back but I shushed him. “Don’t talk just rest.” It then occurred to me that he hadn’t yet realized the events of that morning and even though this isn’t how I imagined giving him the news I didn’t want to keep it from him any longer. “I need the father of my baby to be as healthy as he can be.”

He wrinkled his forehead letting out a mumbled. “Huh?” He opened his eyes a little wider staring directly at me.

“I’m pregnant.” I watched as his face shifted and he closed his eyes tightly allowing the tears to stream down his face. “Don’t cry.” I said laughing trying to keep things happy as I wiped his eyes.

 He reached out and brushed my hair from my face wanting so desperately to just run off at the mouth with words of pure joy and happiness. I watched him struggle only able to make audible noises. He didn’t have to do much for me to know exactly what he was trying to say and as I brushed my fingers against his hand I felt my own tears beginning to form. He again tried to speak and I nodded knowing exactly what he was getting at.

“I love you too.”


	5. Hiddleston and Hemsworth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora bumps into Chris at the hospital and finds out he is bearing some rather unpleasant news.

I stood in front of the vending machine in the hospital snack lounge staring intently at its contents. A choice like this took great concentration and I wasn’t about to make the wrong one. Tangy Cheese Doritos or Rolo’s?  Since finding out I was pregnancy my cravings seemed to shift every few minutes. One minute I would want something so salty that surely it would give me high blood pressure other times I just wanted something sweet and savory. As I shifted my eyes towards the key pad finally ready to make my decision I heard a rather deep voice sound off behind me.

“How long are you going to be?”

I jumped slightly turning around before I could even retrieve my food. “I will take as long as I want.”

Chris gave me a quick smirk which took me quite by surprise. After the incident at Tom’s house the two hadn’t spoken to each other and from what I heard the tall Aussie was pretty cross with him, so much so that he had contemplated ending their friendship once and for all.

“You’ve been standing there staring at the candy for over 30 minutes.”

“It’s a hard choice.”

“Rolo’s then?”

“Doritos.” I heard the sound of the chip bag fall to the bottom and I turned on my heels to retrieve it from the tray. “What brings you here? I thought you and Tom were on the outs.”

“We are.” He replied as I stepped out of the way giving him access to the machine. “But I wanted to be the one to tell him the news. I feel he would take it better if it came from me.”

“What news?”

I didn’t like the tone in his voice it was rather sorrowful and no good news ever came from that. I watched as he quickly made a selection clearly he was less indecisive. He looked down at me as I stuffed my face not at all caring if I looked presentable or not.

“They have to cut him.”

I squinted. “Cut him?” I could feel my insides beginning to burn with anger. “He signed a contract.”

“And that contract becomes null and void if the studio deems him unfit to work. He’s a liability Nora. They can’t have that sort of thing looming over their heads. They don’t want to be held accountable if something happens to him…”

“Well they will be if they do this.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Like hell it doesn’t. You go back and you tell them that Tom will be at work bright and early Monday morning we’ve already talked to the doctor.”

“It’s not up to me. This was their final decision I came to tell him before he got the news himself, but you’re making it more difficult than it has to be. It doesn’t…”

“I’m pregnant.” That was enough to shut up the blonde 6’4 giant that towered over me. I watched the look of shock cross his face before he quickly replaced it by a look of confusion. “I just found out.”

“Is it Tom’s?” I glared at him and he took that as his cue to drop that question. “Sorry I just…wow.”

I was trying to make it as painless as possible for Chris when it came to letting him know exactly how I felt about the situation, but deep down I knew I had to break the reality to him. I finished my chips and tossed them in the waste bin before folding my arms and lowering my head. It was hard even for me to say, but he needed to hear it.

“Chris if they do this Tom won’t make it.”

“Stop it.” I could tell I struck a nerve by the change in his tone of voice.

“No! You know as well as I do that acting in this movie is one of the only things keeping him here. He’s been so excited about this film it gives him something to look forward to, something to concentrate on. If he doesn’t have this film he will have nothing left to fight for. He will just give up and he won’t be around for long you know this and I know this.” I could only hope my pleading was melting him, but with his face turned away from me it was hard to tell. “If not for Tom do this for me.” I heard him sniffle and knew I had broken him down. “For me and our child. I need him there. Even if it’s just for a little while.”

He nodded and finally turned his gaze to me.  “I will see what I can do.”

That’s all I really wanted. I didn’t expect Chris to perform any sort of miracle after all he was human just like the rest of us. I watched as he wiped his eyes swiping his wet fingers across his trousers. He cleared his throat yet said not a word though I know deep down he had so much he wanted to say. No matter how angry he was with Tom he was still his friend, still someone he cared deeply for. I imagine it must have been just as hard for him as it was for me to stand back and just watch as Tom began to waste away. It was a helpless feeling one that never seemed to completely leave. I tucked my hair behind my ears growing increasingly antsy at the silence that fell between us.

“Are you going to come up and see him?”

His eyes met mine and he shook his head softly. “No. I don’t think so.”

I rolled my lips together. “You know eventually you will wake up and you’ll see just how much time you’ve actually wasted being upset over something that doesn’t even matter anymore.” I walked past him towards the archway that led out to the hall anxious to get back to Tom who by now was probably wondering what had taken me so long.

“How do you do it?” I stopped. “How do you deal with death?”

I sighed and began to play with my fingers unsure of how to answer. “Everyone is different Chris.”

“I know that. So how do you do it?”

“I don’t know.” I replied shrugging my shoulders only able to speak from my own experience. “I was there when my mother died. She died in her sleep while we were on holiday. Her heart just stopped beating so she went quickly and painlessly. I’m rather thankful for that now. It was hard you know we didn’t really get a chance to say goodbye properly. Slowly you just return to your normal life or at least try the best you can. Nothing else you can do really.” I took in a long deep breath and held it. “This time though it’s different. I know Tom is going to die. As much as I feel like I will have time to prepare myself I don’t. There’s no such thing as being prepared to lose someone you love. I hate that he has to suffer so much and I can honestly say I don’t wish this on anyone. Some nights I wish that if there is a God he would just take him and put him out of his misery. You asked me how I deal with it and quite honestly I don’t. I just take each day as it comes, each day is a day I get to spend with him, each day he’s still breathing is special to me and I will never be ready to say goodbye.”

I left Chris there not wanting to discuss it any further. I opened the door and stepped into Tom’s room my Dorito’s already halfway finished. I turned my head and stared at him sitting up in bed a look of curiosity on his face.

“No you can’t have any.” He scrunched his nose and grabbed for the dry erase board I had brought him. He scribbled his response hastily and I laughed. “Because I’m eating for two now and I’m just not so willing to share.”

“Rude.” He wrote making sure to wave it in front of my face.

“It’s not rude. What about that bread and butter pudding I made you the other night? I asked for a bite and you didn’t even say no you literally held the cup up in the air so I couldn’t get any.”

“Bread and butter pudding is different. Pudding is my life.”

“You better get your priorities straight. I’m not going to fight pudding for your affection.”

“You wouldn’t win.” I stuck my tongue out at him which seemed to trigger some sort of resentment inside of him. Resentment that he was under orders not to speak, but that wouldn’t stop him. “Thith ith thilly.”

I tilted my head slightly squinting my eyes as I concentrated on what he just said trying my best to translate it. “This is silly?”

“Yeth. I am pefecthly able thue thalk.”

“Hold on this one might take me a while.”

“Thut up!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s doctor’s orders no talking. Your tongue is still swollen, it has stitches in it, and you need to rest it.” Just then a knock came at the door and we both watched as Chris entered the room his eyes red and swollen from crying.

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by.”

“Ohhhh?” Tom exclaimed shocked to see him standing there. They had, had a few words at the party most of which consisted of Chris telling Tom what an asshole he was. “Welth clearthy I’m fine.”

Chris arched his eyebrow and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “What did he say?”

“He said clearly I’m fine. I think. It’s hard to tell.”

“Quith makin’ fun of meh.”

“Then quit talking.”

Chris smiled and shook his head walking over to Tom who was growing increasingly annoyed. “Is this how it always is with you two?”

“Yeth. Sheth alwayth thith thubborn.”

“I’m stubborn? O.K. Tom.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was really worried about you. I would have come sooner, but you know we were mad at each other and I’m never one to say I’m sorry first.” Chris sat down on the edge of the bed his eyes looking Tom over. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Tom turned his gaze away directing them to his dry erase board opting to write his response instead of trying to say it.

“I didn’t want another incident like it was with my parents. You are probably my best mate and I wanted to spare you that kind of pain. I thought if I did it this way at least you’d have some other people to vent to, other people to help you cope, I never thought about the emotional stress it would cause. I’m sorry and you of all people should have been told in a more private manner.”

Even being sick Tom could still speak so eloquently and he always got his point across. I watched as Chris leaned over his arms spread wide Tom meeting him half way and the two men embraced tightly. That was my cue to leave after all they had quite a lot of catching up to do. I grabbed some change from my purse and headed for the vending machine once again it seemed at this point that nothing could suffice my appetite. As I stepped out of the elevator a familiar face caught my eye and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I was just coming up to see you.”

“Me?” I asked after all Benedict barely knew me and the last time we were together things didn’t go so smoothly.

“I meant Tom you know. Sorry I didn’t come sooner, but I’m insanely busy as of late.  You look nice.”

Was he flirting with me? “Thanks.” I managed to mumble tucking my hair behind my ears.

“Did your breasts get bigger?” I watched as a look of panic crossed his face and he immediately began to apologize. “I am so sorry it just slipped out. I do that quite a bit. Say what’s on my mind even when it’s really inappropriate. I do apologize.”

“It’s fine.” Was it really? “I’m pregnant.” I stated in an attempt to redirect the conversation.

“That’s great to hear congratulations. I’m sure Tom is over the moon. “I smirked realizing our discussion was unsalvageable. “Well it was nice seeing you again Nora.”

“Likewise.”


	6. Until the Very End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Nora have a fight of epic proportions that results in her leaving to live with her father. Can anything possibly bring them back together and show them that they truly do need each other?

Have you ever heard the expression ‘It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.’? Well today it literally was. I had never seen Tom so off balance as he was today, the day he was due on set for the first time. The only person who had called or spoken to him was Chris who also managed to convince the top dogs that Tom could and would fulfill his contractual obligations. His driver let us off as close as he could and it was up to us to make it the rest of the way. I threw the door open and stepped out straightening out my clothing before reaching in to collect Tom. I waited to feel his large soft hand in mine, but instead it remained empty. I leaned down and peered into the car where he sat looking quite feeble his baseball cap covered head leaning against the window his eyes closed.

“OK?”

He drew in a shallow breath turning slowly towards me as if his head was being weighed down. “I just…need a minute.” I nodded and backed away turning to get a breath of fresh air myself.

As I turned towards the set I took note of the golf cart that came barreling down across the field a very familiar face at the wheel. Chris stopped it in front of us smiling from ear to ear.

“I come with transportation!” He hopped off and walked over to the car by now Tom had managed to scoot himself across the seat towards the open door. “How are you feeling today mate?”

“Like utter shit.” Leave it to Tom to say it like it is. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to get to Iceland like this. I’m in so much pain.”

I tilted my head honing in on what he just said. I could feel my blood beginning to boil as the word Iceland kept ringing through my mind. “Excuse me?”

He looked up at me with his somewhat sunken eyes a soft smile beginning to form. “I was going to tell you.”

“You didn’t tell her?” Chris asked before burying his face in his hands knowing exactly what was coming next. He helped Tom the rest of the way out of the car slamming the door behind him allowing us to argue face to face.

“No he didn’t tell me. I expect you were going to just let me wake up one morning and find out you weren’t there. What were you going to tape a note to the door saying ‘Went to Iceland be back soon!’”

“You’re really blowing this out of proportion.”

That wasn’t the reply my hormone ridden body wanted to hear. “I’M BLOWING IT OUT OF PROPORTION? THOMAS YOU HAVE LITTLE TO NO IMMUNE SYSTEM! HOW THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT THIS WAS GOING TO WORK? YOU JUST GO OFF TO ICELAND, CONTRACT SOME SORT OF ILLNESS, AND THEN I END UP LOSING YOU SOONER THAN I EXPECTED? YOU’RE SO FUCKING SELFISH ALL THE DAMN TIME!”

“I’M NOT JUST DOING THIS FOR ME!”

“YES YOU ARE! TO BE HONEST I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT MOTHER FUCKING THOR OR YOUR ACTING CAREER! I WANT THE FATHER OF MY CHILD TO BE AROUND TO ACTUALLY SEE THEIR CHILD! IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU OR ME ANYMORE TOM WE HAVE A BABY TO THINK ABOUT!”

“WHY DID YOU SIT AND BEG CHRIS TO TALK TO ALL THOSE BIG MOVIE EXECS IF…”

I whipped my head around to stare at Chris who didn’t dare look me in the eye. “YOU TOLD HIM?”

“YES HE DID! I DON’T NEED YOU TO FIGHT MY BATTLES FOR ME NORA!”

The moment he said those words I knew exactly what I had to do. As painful as it was I was more of a hindrance than a help to Tom and I was slowly beginning to realize it. He may have wanted me around in the beginning but as soon as he started filming it was quite obvious to me and everyone else that acting was his first priority. The wind began to kick up and I felt my hair slap against my face as I struggled to free myself from its wild tendrils. I finally managed to get some of it under control tucking it behind my ears allowing my face to become visible to him once again. This time I chose not to hold back my tears for I wanted him to see just how truly hurt I was and how much pain I was feeling in that moment. I let them flow freely from my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt them crash onto my lips and I tasted their salty bitterness on the tip of my tongue. Sniffling I wiped my nose with my sleeve and drew in a long deep yet exasperated breath.

“I’m going back home.”

He nodded not yet knowing exactly what I meant. “I think that’s best.”

“I don’t mean back to the house Tom I am going home. “ Our eyes met and I felt every single nerve in my body go off at once. “I talked to my dad the other night. He said if I ever needed anything he would help me out.”

“Nora you’re being dramatic.”

I bit my bottom lip which was all I could do to keep me from punching him right in the face. He was being so insensitive and this was truly the tumor talking and not the Tom I knew. I shook my head and opened the car door.

“I’ll keep you updated on my pregnancy, but other than that I see no reason for us to really be together and no real reason for me to be here.”

“But, I…”

“If you need anything your friends can help you. I thought I was one of them, but I’m seeing now I truly am just the mother of your child and nothing else.” I slide sat down in the backseat giving him one final glance and his face truly scared me. It was twisted and angry something I never wanted to see again. “Goodbye Tom.”

* * *

Word of Tom’s illness had gotten out not to anyone’s surprise. His fans were in an uproar and I was actually quite thankful it had come to light. Now Tom would have enough support to keep his spirits up and I no longer had to feel guilty for the way things ended. So then why did I still have this empty pit in my stomach? It may have something to do with the fact that a week after Tom arrived in Iceland it wasn't long before he contracted a serious case of pneumonia. I wasn't surprised and was rather devastated by the news. Chris called begging me to fly out as soon as I could, but I refused. I guess I felt rather guilty about that. He recovered luckily and filming continued as it should.

 I sighed as I watched the news yet another weather report that I didn't really care about. It called for rain that day such a shock when you live in a place like England. By now I was 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant due to go in for yet another ultrasound. I was more than relieved to pass the 13 week mark with all the stress I had been under and 20 weeks was even more of an accomplishment.  I took one final sip of my orange juice and looked up at the clock groaning loudly.

“Dad come on we’re going to be late!”

Daniel Clarke was a portly fellow with a good sense of humor who rarely took life in general seriously. That, however, changed once I moved back in. He had always been overly protective of me not so much with my older brother Timothy who had made us all proud by shipping off to work for NASA. I haven’t seen him since.

“Sorry I was just finishing up the hedges. I've shaped them to look like giant squirrels.”

Did I mention my father was in to topiary?  I shook my head and smiled. God what must the neighbors think?

“You really should think about finding a new hobby.”

“Why? I quite like making shrubs into art pieces. Are you ready?” I nodded my head and stood up brushing the crumbs from my dress. “You look bigger.”

I looked down at my grown belly running my hand across it. “Thanks dad.”

The drive to the doctor’s was a rather humorous one. My father was very much like Tom in the sense that he never shut up. He rambled on about how he had been hired by the local police department to trim their shrubs to look like giant police badges, how he had been thinking a lot about mum recently, and then about how excited he was to finally find out the sex of his first grandchild.

“What do you want it to be?”

I was never really picky about the gender of my child until the fight with Tom. After that I was strictly hoping for a girl for I was sure I couldn't handle having a miniature Tom running around for the next 18 years or so.

“I really want a girl. I think most women do. Besides I wouldn't even know the first thing about taking care of a boy.”

“Have you spoken to Tom at all recently?” He asked and the answer was always the same.

“No.”

We pulled into the parking lot and by now I was rather annoyed that my father had brought up Tom yet again. I was simply tired of talking about him I didn't need him. I was going to raise this child on my own regardless so what difference did it really make? I headed inside and was shown to an empty room almost immediately. My dad opted to wait out in the waiting area for he felt slightly awkward being there in the first place. I sighed and placed my handbag on the counter before taking a seat on the edge of the table to await my doctor’s arrival. I yawned loudly shifting my head from side to side to take in all the equipment that surrounded me. A soft knock came at the door and my heart fluttered. This was it.

“Come in.” I said softly a smile crossing my face. I watched as a tall thin man entered the room a mask covering his nose and mouth, his eyebrows and eyelashes completely gone along with his once curly blonde locks. In that moment the happiness I was feeling immediately left me. “What do you want?”

Tom coughed lightly slowly making his way over to me. “I called your house the other day. Your dad answered and told me you’d be here.”

“I don’t want you in here.” I laid down on the table feeling somewhat dizzy from the shock of seeing him there. “I don’t need you Tom. We don’t need each other.”

“I need you.”

“Oh fucking hell you've said that so many times.”

“It’s true!”

I closed my eyes and turned over on my side. “Please go away.”

“Is that what you really want?” I then began to let out a stream of tears that I couldn't try to even hide. “Nora.” I felt his warm hand on my shoulder which only made it worse. “I’m sorry about what happened. It was my entire fault. You were absolutely right I was being selfish and if it makes you feel any better I did get sick just like you said I probably would.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't.”

He squeezed my shoulder before taking a seat in the chair next to me clearly exhausted just from walking across the room. “Why didn't you come see me?”

“Don’t turn this around and make it about you.”

“I’m not trying to. God but you are stubborn.”

“I didn't come to see you because I didn't want to. Does that make you feel fucking better?” I turned over my back now facing him. “God Tom I am just so tired. You wear me down just by being here.”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to cause you any grief.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry it doesn't mean anything to me anymore.”

“Just give me a minute to rest and then I’ll go.”

“I don’t want you to go.” I said being completely honest with him. As much pain he had brought me I had to admit having him back was both a blessing and a curse. “It was my fault too. I shouldn't have just given up on you like that.”

“I deserved it.”

“No one deserves that especially you. I didn't come see you in the hospital because I knew I would just break down and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to recover from it. I was scared I’d miscarry again from all the stress of seeing you so sick and it was very selfish of me.”

“You did the right thing. I wouldn't want to put you through that kind of pain. I just…” Before he could finish the doctor walked in and shot us both a curious glance.

“What’s all this then?” Doctor George was always curious about the things going on in his patients’ lives and his question at the time was very appropriate.

I looked up at him with my teary eyes. “This is the father of my baby.”

Doctor George smiled and nodded knowingly. “Of course how silly of me. How are you feeling today Mr. Hiddleston?”

Tom shrugged his boney shoulders. “As good as I can be.”

Doctor George nodded and turned out the lights grabbing a hold of the ultrasound machine and pulling up a chair. He switched it on and the static from the monitor emitted a soft glowing light. I turned over on my back and lifted my shirt a small gasp could be heard coming from Tom.

“What?” I asked puzzled by his reaction.

“Last time I saw you…” Before he could finish Doctor George interrupted by telling us exactly what this ultrasound entailed.

 He squirted some of the cold jell onto my belly and I giggled as he placed the wand upon my skin.

“Sorry it always tickles me.”

He began to move it around turning the monitor slightly so we could see everything. I glanced over at Tom who sat there staring at it intently not wanting to miss a single second of it. Without warning a loud muffled beat filled the room.

“What is that?” Tom asked his eyes wandering about wildly.

“It’s the baby’s heartbeat.” I replied and watched as he smiled with his eyes. “Sounds really good doesn't it?” He nodded in agreement and then came the moment of truth. I stared at the screen as the doctor pointed out the baby’s heart, it’s arms, legs and then I smiled. “Is that what I think it is?”

Doctor George nodded. “It’s safe to say your son isn't very modest.”

“We’re having a boy?” By now Tom’s voice was trembling from excitement. “Nora we’re having a boy!”

I can’t say that I was upset when I found out. As much as I said I wanted a girl it was for selfish reasons and hearing just how excited Tom was upon hearing the news how could I not want a boy? It amazed me just how much in that moment I fell in love with someone I had yet to meet. The little boy growing inside of me was my life and I loved him more than anything in the world even Tom. He was mine forever and he would depend on me for love and comfort in his times of need. It was the perfect setting for Tom and I to settle our differences and realize there was something happening that was bigger than both of us. That was the day I told my father goodbye and headed back to London with Tom. I wanted it to work and he really did need me. I would find that out sooner than I had anticipated for Tom’s health which had been at a steady decline suddenly took a turn for the worst. Now was not the time to be fighting, or to be selfish, now was the time for me to be strong and take care of the man I loved the father of my child. Now was the time to show Tom that no matter what I would always be there for him until the very end.


	7. Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora runs into Benedict at the grocery store and the two have lunch together. When she returns home Tom asks a rather serious question about her relationship with his friend.

I circled the aisle one last time making sure I had gotten everything on the grocery list. Tom was in one of his grumpier moods today and I can’t say that I really blamed him. It had been a month since we found out the gender of our child, a son we were going to be naming William Jude and in that short period of time Tom’s illness had wreaked its havoc on his already broken body.  The muscle weakness came making it hard for him to even complete everyday tasks. Just going to the bathroom was a feat in its own right and I could see that he was slowly beginning to wear down. Then the loss of sight in his right eye only irritated him more. This was followed by another major seizure so it’s safe to say Tom was at his breaking point. Our arguing had increased mostly due to his frustration at not being able to speak properly and I dealt with it the best way I knew how. Most people would find grocery shopping to be tedious and boring, but I rather enjoyed it. It was really the only time I got to spend alone just wallowing in my own thoughts about the situation I was in. I turned the corner and immediately heart the clinking of metal my trolley jolting rather violently.

“Hey wa…” Before I could even moan about the incident I saw a familiar face and smiled. “Benedict Cumberbatch shops at Tesco?”

He rolled his eyes which were hidden beneath the bill of his hat. “Yes he does.  What about you then?” He stepped around his shopping trolley reaching into my basket for the one item that was sure to make people’s heads turn. “A pregnant woman buying Hennessy? That’s sure to raise a few eyebrows. Don’t drink it in public or I’ll have to phone the police.”

I snatched it back laughing. “It’s not for me though sometimes I really wish I could just have a nice swig of liquor. It’s for Tom’s father he’s coming to visit this weekend.” A moment of silence came over us and I looked over to see that Benedict was looking rather upset. “What’s wrong?”

“I just…” He rolled his lips together. “I feel bad for not having called or come by to see him. I've been so busy and I've been meaning too really I have.”

“Don’t feel bad he knows it’s nothing personal.” He nodded as I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Why don’t you come by sometime this week? I’m sure he’d love that.” What he asked me next was quite unexpected.

“Do you want to have lunch with me?” I turned my head expecting to see someone else behind me for surely he wasn't asking me. “I meant you. Just to talk as friends it’s not a date or anything. I don’t know why I felt the need to say that, but yeah not a date.”

“Um…” I felt Will move inside of me clearly a signal that he was hungry and not willing to wait until his mother got home. “Yeah just let me finish paying for this and we can meet up somewhere.”

“I can take care of this for you.”

“No really you don’t have to do this.”

The next thing I knew Ben had stolen my cart and was making a run for the checkout line knowing there was no way I was going to run after him.

After we finished we agreed to meet at the sandwich shop down the road for Ben insisted I try their grilled chicken sandwich.  As I drove past looking for a parking spot I could see him standing there waiting for me a silly grin on his face. I was fortunate enough to find a place to park only steps away from where we were to meet up and as I got out of the car I began to ask myself one simple question. What in the hell was I doing?

“Took you long enough!” He joked not knowing about the internal struggle I was having. “I got us a seat outside since it’s such a nice day.” I didn't say a word as he escorted me to the table pulling my chair out for me. Such gentlemen Ben and Tom were. I sat down eager to rest my aching feet.  “You really do have to try their grilled chicken sandwich. I took the liberty of ordering you one. Am I rambling?”

“Just a little.”

“Sorry.”

“No it’s fine. I like hearing you talk you have one of those voices.”

“Do I?”

“Mmmhmmm. You could sit and read the dictionary and have girls eating out of the palm of your hand.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

“Speaking of which…” It had been something that I had always wondered about. Ben could no longer use the recently single excuse for it had been almost 2 years. “Why are you still single?”

I watched as he furrowed his eyebrows and shifted his eyes wanting to avoid the question. “Is this necessary?”

“Well you said we’re friends and friends like to discuss what is going on in each other’s lives don’t they?”

He sighed heavily taking a sip of his water. Just as he opened his mouth to answer the waitress brought us our food and I could see the look of relief in his face.

I raised my eyebrow as he quickly began to nibble away at his sandwich. “You got off easy this time.”

Benedict and I talked about anything and everything except why he was still single. It seemed to be a sore spot for him and after having been with Olivia as long as he was I couldn't blame him. After we finished he walked me to my car and I bid him goodbye finally heading home to check up on Tom.

I pulled into the driveway and stepped out of my car grabbing the groceries from the boot before heading inside. “Tom? I’m back!” I found him sitting at the kitchen table sipping on a cup of tea and the sight of him stunned me. I gasped subconsciously and he formed a quick smile.

“I know you’re probably wondering “What is this skeleton doing sitting at the kitchen table?””

I rolled my eyes and walked past him not wanting to say anything. He had gotten into a rather bad habit of wallowing in his illness and when he did it just infuriating me. I knew he was dying, but he wasn't dead yet.

“Actually I was wondering why you were sitting here alone acting like a total creeper.”

“I wasn't creeping on you!” He shouted. “I got tired of lying on the couch so I moved.”

“Well at least you were productive.” I heard him laugh softly. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

Another bad habit was he never seemed to want to eat. No matter what I did he always refused it. It wasn't that my cooking was bad after all I had learned from the best and in my humble opinion my cooking was top notch.

“You have to eat.”

“What’s the point? Nothing tastes good anymore.”

“That’s not a good enough reason.”

“Your cooking is horrible.”

“Do you really want to go there?”

“OK I lied.”

“Something you’re really horrible at.”

“I’m just not hungry.”

“Well too bad.” I grabbed the bread and pulled out two slices hell bent on making him the best god damn sandwich he’s ever had. “I ran in to Benedict today.” That surely got his attention.

He turned his head slowly. “Oh? How is he?”

“He says he’s sorry he hasn't dropped by, but he will sometime this week.”

“Do you like him?”

The knife I was using to cut the tomato scrapped extremely close to my finger as I reacted to the question he had just asked. “What?”

“Do you like him?”

By now my thoughts were racing for I had never really taken much time to think about it. I had been so consumed with Tom and his illness that I never had a chance to take in the things going on around me.

“I mean he’s a good friend.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“I don’t like him like that ok?” Why was he pushing it so much? I finished his lunch tossing it onto a plate before throwing it down onto the table the sandwich hanging off the edge. I was tired, too tired to deal with this at the moment and I still had so much to do. I turned to leave only to be pulled back by the still somewhat strong grip of his good hand.  “I have a lot of straightening up to do.”

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.”

“I should keep a tally of how many times you apologize to me in a single day.”

“Put that on my headstone. Here lies Tom Hiddleston.  He’s sorry.” I knew he was trying to make a joke, but just thinking about the fact that this was something that I would actually have to consider made it less than funny. He leaned in pressing his ear against my belly and closing his eyes clearly exhausted just from all the talking he was doing. “Just as my life is ending you’re bringing life into the world.”

“Stop it.” I fanned my face trying my best not to just let my emotions completely overwhelm me. I then felt Will kick extremely hard and watched as Tom pulled his ear away a look of surprise on his face. Every day since we found out the sex of our child Tom has been persistently trying to feel him kick for the first time and our son, like his father, was very stubborn. He’d either kick non-stop while Tom was nowhere to be found or stop kicking all together the moment his father tried to put his hand anywhere near my stomach.

“You felt it?” I asked with a tear in my eye. He nodded smiling so wide I thought his grin would literally stretch from ear to ear. I hoped that by experiencing something so precious and beautiful that maybe this would give him the will to keep fighting. I knew how hard it was and I just needed him around a bit longer for I didn't think I would ever really be ready to tell him goodbye.

* * *

 That Saturday his father finally arrived and I was there at the door to greet him. He hadn't seen Tom since his last major seizure and had no idea just how frail his son had become. I wrapped my arms around James hugging him tightly before letting him into the house. We walked right past the living room where Tom was resting on the couch for I wasn't quite ready to let them see each other. I wanted to prepare him for the reality of the situation, but a feeble voice calling out to me ended this plan abruptly.

“Excuse me.” I said with a smile leaving him at the kitchen table and tending to Tom’s needs. “Are you alright?” He struggled to lift himself into a sitting position and I helped him up the rest of the way.

“Is my dad here?” He asked his voice barely audible. “I want to see him.”

“Tom I…” I tried to explain my intentions, but Tom was hell bent on getting up from that sofa. I had a choice here. Either let him fall face first into the carpet or help him. I reached out and he grabbed my hands tightly before throwing his arm around my shoulder allowing me to hoist him up. We slowly made our way into the kitchen and once his father caught sight of him I could see the shock spread across his face. James immediately reached out to help me lowering Tom into a nearby chair, kneeling down in front of him.

“Hey dad.” Tom managed to say throwing one arm around him and hugging him as tightly as he could. “Sorry about that. I’d hug you with two arms, but my other one is not so good right now.”

James was struggling we could both tell. He rolled his lips together almost as if he was trying to prevent himself from saying something inappropriate.  “I…” He cleared his throat to keep it from quivering amidst the tears that were now rolling down his cheeks.  “Tom you look so sick.”

“Dad I am sick.”

“I don’t want to lose my son. My little boy.” He reached up and cupped Tom’s face in his hands running his thumbs across his cheekbones.  “My baby.”

This was getting to be too much for me to handle and I needed to do something to distract everyone before it became unbearable. I reached for the first thing I could find and grabbed it sniffling to myself.

“I bought you Hennessy.” Silence filled the room and I wondered if his dad maybe felt I was being a little insensitive though I wasn't trying to be. They both turned and stared at me making the moment even more uncomfortable. “Someone say something.”

James then smiled and stood up. “Thank you Nora for taking care of my son. You’re a good woman.” I nodded knowingly relieved that he wasn't upset by my sudden outburst. “Now let’s have a drink.”


	8. I Saw You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benedict comes to visit, but it is short lived as Tom's cancer ravages his body and lands him in the hospital for good.

As requested Benedict dropped by a few days after Tom’s father left. I was rather thankful to have him around especially after James’s emotional breakdown which caused us all a lot of grief. I took joy in seeing his smiling face it reminded me a lot of how Tom use to be before he became too weak to even move.  I walked him into the living room where Tom was laying covered in a plaid blanket while watching Fawlty Towers which was on heavy rotation these days. I didn’t even warn Ben after all the last time I tried to ease someone in to the state of Tom’s condition it ended poorly.

“Tom?” I shook him slightly his eyes opening slowly. “Ben’s here to see you.”

“Ben who?” He whispered. I couldn’t tell whether he was serious or joking after all his memory had begun to wane. He lifted his eyes up and nodded recognizing his friend’s face. “You should have just said some giant ginger asshole is here to see you. It would have been less taxing on my brain.” He sat up and leaned back against the sofa trying to steady himself before attempting to get up.

“No no don’t do that.” Benedict insisted instead taking a seat next to him. “You look…good.”

“Shut up you wanker.” Tom replied and the two men laughed. “Nora could you go out and get us something to eat?”

I raised my eyebrow. “Says the man who never wants to eat.”

“Well we have company and I’m actually craving Chinese food.”

I nodded not saying another word for it was a blessing that Tom even had an appetite. I took their orders and grabbed my keys. “Pretty soon I’m not going to fit behind the steering wheel and then who is going to go out and do your food runs for you?”

“I’ll order pizza.” I rolled my eyes and left not knowing that Tom had only asked for food to get me out of the house. “I’m glad you’re here Ben.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize you missed me that much.”

“I need to talk to you.”

Ben could note the softness of his voice and watched as Tom wrinkled his forehead a clear sign he was in pain. “We don’t need to do this right now. I can tell you’re not feeling well.”

“You always tell people how badly you want to have children.”

“What does any of that have to do with you being sick?”

“This isn’t about me.” Tom shouted getting a little annoyed that Benedict seemed to keep cutting him off. “It’s about Nora.”

Benedict’s eyes widened. “Look I don’t know what you think may be going on, but I can assure you…”

“I know you like her it’s not a secret.”

“I…” He couldn’t speak for he knew what Tom was saying was all true, but he didn’t want to hurt his friend. “I…don’t.”

“I just want you to do one thing for me. Will you do that?” Benedict nodded as the conversation became rather heavy. “Take care of Nora for me. I trust you more than anyone and…”

“Tom…”

“Just let me finish.” His breathing by now appeared to be getting heavier. “I want my son to have a good father. I won’t be there, but I know you will.” Tom’s eyes began to fill with tears and they weren’t those of someone who was feeling sad they were tears of pure agony. “GOD IT HURTS SO BAD!”

Benedict got up knowing something wasn’t quite right with him. “What hurts? Tell me where it hurts.”

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! JUST LET ME DIE PLEASE!”

* * *

I waited for the woman behind the counter to return with my order wanting to hurry home so I would have a chance to visit with Ben for a bit. After all he had been a very good friend to me and I needed as much support as I could get. I watched as she placed a cup of wanton soup into a bag and then felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket. Without even glancing at the number I answered it and the panic of the voice on the other end was unlike anything I had ever heard.

I arrived at the hospital within minutes and found Benedict sitting in the waiting area outside the emergency room. I completely ignored him instead opting to ask the nurse at the desk exactly what was going on.

 “Well Mr. Hiddleston is very ill.” The nurse stated flipping through her paperwork.

“Tell me something a little more useful.” I wasn’t trying to snap at her, but her comment was quite ridiculous.

She could tell I wasn’t in the mood to play games and quickly decided to give me the proper information. “Mr. Hiddleston was brought in complaining of severe pain in his lower extremities. They’re prepping a room for him now. As soon as I know anything else I will let you know. For now you can take a seat.”

It took every single ounce of restraint inside of me plus the fact that I was heavily pregnant to keep from jumping over the desk and punching her right in the face. So rude, so cocky. I turned around and headed back towards Ben his head held low. I sat down next to him and he barely moved.

“Are you alright?”

He shook his head. “I have never seen anything like that before and it really scared me. I didn’t know what to do he just kept telling me he was in so much pain.”

I was slightly confused by all of this especially since he had played a man with cancer in Third Star not too long ago. Then I remembered that it was all an act and what had just happened was very much real to him. They were too completely different things.

“I’m just thankful you were there.”  He looked at me with his big blue eyes. There was so much fright in them and I wanted nothing more than to just comfort him, but I wouldn’t get a chance.

“Nora.” I turned my head and looked over at the doctor who was all too familiar to me. “I need to talk to you in private.”

“You can’t possibly have anything to say to me that I haven’t already heard so just tell me.”

He sighed and kneeled down in front of me grabbing my hands tightly in his. “I think it’s best if Tom stays here at the hospital. He has what we call drop metastases they’re in his spine. He’s in a lot of pain and we can better manage it from here.”

“What are our options?”

“Well…” the one thing I liked about Tom’s doctor was that he never tried to sugar coat anything. “..we could do surgery, but with how progressive his cancer is I don’t think he would make it. Our best bet is to try to manage his pain and possibly start him on steroid therapy.”

“How long?” He looked up at me with his deep brown eyes and I could see the sorrow in them. He didn’t need to tell me I knew deep inside that I could lose Tom at any possible moment. “You do whatever you have to do to keep him with me as long as you can. I know maybe I am being selfish, but I’m just not ready to say goodbye yet.”

“Will you ever be ready?” I jumped slightly not expecting to hear Benedict’s low smooth voice enter in to the conversation.  “The man is suffering and in pain.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Then why prolong it?”

“I have a child to think about.”

“Your child will never know his real father anyways! You’re putting him through misery for what? He’s going to die in the end regardless of how much extra treatment you give him!” I don’t remember slapping him. I was so angry at the moment that everything was a blur. I made a fist trying to relieve the stinging sensation in my hand. He reached up and ran his fingers across his cheek shocked that I had actually struck him. “You’re fighting a losing battle, but my opinion doesn’t matter.” He tightened his jacket around him and stood up. “Goodbye Nora.”

* * *

It was an hour before I was finally allowed in to see Tom the sound of machines beeping filled the room. He had iv’s in his arm, an NC in his nose helping him to breathe a little better and as I looked at him I saw only a shadow of the man I once knew. I sat down on the edge of the bed taking in his appearance. His entire face had changed. His hair was gone, his eyes and cheeks had sunken in, and you could see almost every single vein in his neck. He was unrecognizable.  I reached down and squeezed his hand to let him know I was there and watched as his eyes flickered.

“How are you feeling?” It was a stupid question, but I didn’t know what else to say.

“Great actually.” He whispered. “I’m so drugged up I don’t feel a thing.”

“That’s good.” I was happy that he was no longer in any discomfort, but it was only a matter of time before the drugs would wear off.

“Do you remember when we met?”

I nodded sniffling loudly.  “I took Latin thinking it would just be an easy class.”

“You almost failed.”

“If it hadn’t been for you letting me cheat off of you I probably would have.”

He smiled as much as he could. “I remember when you first sat down next to me in class I thought ‘Well if she can pass so can I.’ I didn’t realize you were going to be completely horrible at it.”

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“You kept forgetting there is no use of the letter J in Latin.”

“J is important.”

“I suppose so. Do you remember the first time we…you know.”

“Had sex? No need to be a prude around me after all I am pregnant with your child. Obviously I’m not a sweet little virgin.”

“Thanks to me. I still don’t understand why you just didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t want you to reject me.”

“As big as your tits were I would have never rejected you.” I playfully punched his shoulder and then felt guilty for it knowing how easily he could bruise. “Sorry.”

“You were so beautiful that night.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please. I looked a right mess.” I then watched the twinkle return to his eyes and I knew what he was about to do. As much as I begged him not to Tom never listened to me.

“You were wearing this pale blue dress that came right above your knees. Your hair was up in a bun, clearly you neglected to brush it before you came over, and you had no make-up on. I had never seen anyone more beautiful. I saw you the way you really were. No makeup to hide yourself behind you were just there. You’ve always been there.”

“Not always.” I said through the tears that were now flowing freely from my eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize.” He said stopping me before I could finish. “Whatever happened those years we were apart it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I never stopped loving you, never stopped thinking about you, hell it’s probably why I was 31 and single. I always held out hope that one day I would be able to have you back in my life again. I know I haven’t always been the easiest person to deal with, but thank you for being there when I really needed you.” He drew in a deep breath exhausted from everything he had just said. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

I watched as tears began to form in his eyes. He placed his hand on top of mine it was still just as warm and soft as ever. “Out of everyone I am going to miss you the most.”


	9. Breathe of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is going downhill fast and Nora finally gives birth to their son Will. Benedict is there in the delivery room and after everything calms down he let's Nora know exactly how he feels.

I never left Tom’s side except when I needed to go to the bathroom. I slept in that room, ate in that room, lived in that room. As the weeks passed Tom’s condition took a turn for the worst and I was informed that he could go at any time. I don’t know how he did it, maybe he found some kind of will to live, but he made it longer than anyone anticipated. I was 3 weeks away from my due date I couldn’t lose him now. We had come so far and the idea of not having him in my life was still something I had yet to let sink in. Benedict and I hadn’t spoken since that day given we had very different opinions when it came to how to treat Tom’s cancer. He would visit with Tom on occasion, but he and I would never say a single word to each other.

I sighed and looked away from the book I was reading as another sharp pain ripped through me. I had been timing my contractions and as erratic as they were decided it was best not to worry Tom who spent most of his time sleeping. I glanced down at the page I had been on trying to find my place again.

“You should call the nurse.”

I rolled my eyes. I should have known Tom wouldn’t really be sleeping. “There’s no need to I’m fine. Besides I’m not even due for another 3 weeks so don’t worry your pretty little head.”

“If you don’t call one I will.”

“Oh I am so scared.”

He then lifted his arm up slowly using every ounce of strength he had reaching over and pushing the button to my surprise. “Told you.”

The nurse’s voice came over the loud speaker. “Can I help you?”

“No everything is fine.” I shouted hoping Tom would just let things go.

“I…” He swallowed hard trying to speak as loudly as he could. “I…I’m feeling a bit of pain.”

Immediately I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. “I’ll send someone right over Mr. Hiddleston.” She replied as I felt another contraction coming on.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 The nurse entered the room smiling to herself. “Alright let’s see if we can adjust these pain meds for you.” She began fiddling around with the machines hoping to give Tom some comfort. “There we are now. Can I do anything else for you?”

“My girlfriend is in labor.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned loudly. “I am not.”

“You are too. You’re always so stubborn. Do this for me. Just get checked out.”

* * *

A knock came at the door and Chris poked his head in staring at Tom who laid there with his eyes barely open. “You were right. Nora’s in labor.” He stepped inside closing the door behind him and pulling up a chair next to Tom’s bed. “How did you know?”

Tom chuckled. “I was timing her contractions on my watch without her knowing. Had things gone her way she would have delivered the baby right here in this room.”

“For some reason I don’t doubt that.” He patted Tom on the arm. “How are you feeling?  You’re going to be a dad soon.”

“I’m happy…” He hesitated for a second. “..and sad.” He pointed at the cup of water sitting on the food tray and Chris quickly grabbed it giving the parched man a sip. “Thank you. Now where was I?”

“You said you were sad.”

“Oh right. I’m sad at the idea that I won’t get to see my son grow up. I’m going to miss everything.”

“Don’t do that to yourself.”

“It’s the truth.”

“If it helps you know we’ll all be there for Will and Nora.”

“I know. Why aren’t you there with her now?”

Chris smirked. “Benedict is there with her. They aren’t speaking to each other. It’s really awkward so I needed to kind of take a walk.  Your mum and dad are on their way.”

“Whatever you do don’t let them come up to see me.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want them to see me like this.”

“They’re your parents Tom.”

“And they’ve been through enough.”

Chris knew there was no use in fighting with him he was going to have his way no matter what.  “Alright fine. I will try my best to keep them out.”

“You’re 6’4 and I give you full permission to tackle them.” The two men laughed. “I hope Nora will be ok without me.”

* * *

The truth was just not having him there next to me was harder than I expected. I wanted him to be the one holding my hand when I needed him to, to be the one to remind me to breathe, and help me to bring our child into this world, but I was stuck with Benedict. I tried my best to ignore him for I still hadn’t quite forgiven him. My contractions were beginning to become unbearable and yet I couldn’t bring myself to ask him for any kind of comfort.

He looked away from his magazine watching as I gripped the sheets my entire body was racked with pain. “You know you could just let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help.” I managed to yell at him. “I want Tom here.” I began thinking about him being back there in his room slowly wasting away and I lost it. On top of the physical pain I was feeling the emotional pain came flooding over me. I sobbed loudly burying my face in my pillow to mask my growing screams.

“Nora.” Benedict got up and rushed over to me running his hand across my back trying his best to ease my suffering. “Nora I’m sorry for what I said. It was very inconsiderate of me. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but please I’m begging you let me help you.”

“I need something for the pain.” I mumbled and within minutes Benedict had called the anesthesiologist hell bent on comforting me the best way he knew how. For the first time that day I felt relief. As my physical pain subsided I began to release the emotional to the only person I knew who would listen. “I can’t live without him.”

“You can and you will.”

“I’m not strong enough.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Not strong enough? You are one of the strongest people I know. It takes someone very special to just drop their life to help a friend in need. You left everything you knew so that you could be there for Tom. You have taken care of him more than any of us, you’ve helped him make it this far. He wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for you.”

“What if I could have done more?”

“You have done the best you could. Don’t ever let anyone tell you it wasn’t enough. I mean look at you, you’re here having his baby giving him the gift of fatherhood. That in itself is one of the most selfless things I have ever seen anyone do. You gave up your life so that he could live the rest of his out being happy. He is happy. Even now he is happier than I have ever seen him.” Ben stopped for a moment and looked away from me his eyes trailing down to look at his feet. “I hope one day to find someone as amazing and as strong as you are.”

I smiled reaching out and tucking my finger under his chin pulling his face up to look at me. “Thank you for that and I know you will find someone who is just right for you. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

6 hours later William Jude Hiddleston was in my arms and it amazed me how much I loved him. From the moment I saw him my heart was his. They took him from me to clean him off and as happy as I was in that moment I couldn’t stop wishing that Tom was there.

“He will get to see him won’t he?”

“They’re trying Nora. It’s not easy since he’s very weak now. We also don’t want either of them to get sick.” The doctor stated only making me more irritable.

“Tom has to see him.”

“We’re doing the best we can.”

“Well your best…” The door creaked and I turned my attention away from the hospital staff who were working to get Will ready for the nursery. I watched as Chris walked in carrying Tom in his arms. His mouth was covered with a mask and I could tell he was struggling just to stay awake. “Thank you.” I mouthed to him and he tossed me a soft smile. He carried Tom over and everyone quickly cleared away so that Tom could finally see what we had been working so hard for.

“Open your eyes buddy. Look at him.”

Tom’s eyes slowly crept open and he glanced down at the tiny baby that laid there crying so loud it echoed through the entire room. “He’s perfect.”

“He’s got your blonde hair that’s for sure and your nose.” Chris lowered his knees a bit allowing Tom to reach out and stroke Will’s cheek. The feeling of his father’s hand on his must have been of some comfort for he immediately stopped crying and opened his eyes.

“Hi little baby. I’m your daddy.”

“MR. HEMSWORTH!” The nurse who had helped Tom earlier came barging into the room completely out of breath. “YOU CAN’T JUST KIDNAP PATIENTS!”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You kidnapped him?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders. “I’d hardly call it kidnapping.”

“Yes he did. He beat up 4 security guards, 2 doctors, and a handful of nurses just to get me down here.” Leave it to Tom to diffuse the situation. I thought back to what Benedict had said earlier and realized just how right he was. Through all of this Tom had never lost his sense of humor had never lost that spark that I loved so much.

“GET HIM BACK INTO HIS BED AT ONCE!”

Chris mocked her but did as he was told. Before they left I made sure to tell Tom I loved him though he needn’t be reminded. He whispered back to me and I was content. Once the room was cleared out it was just Benedict and I sitting in silence just as we had before. It wasn’t out of anger we simply had nothing to say. I closed my eyes completely exhausted after the day I had.

“I can take care of you.”

That didn’t last very long. I opened them and looked over at Ben who was sitting there twiddling his thumbs. “What?”

“Will and you. I can take care of you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You don’t have to. I have a flat in London. It isn’t much but I could buy you a home if you’d prefer. I will take care of everything. Anything you need I will provide for you.”

I hung onto every word he said he seemed so passionate so determined. “Why are you doing this?”

“I promised Tom that I would take care of you, but that’s only part of it. I seem to have developed feelings for you and I have been trying my best not to act on them. I would feel slightly immoral after all you are still with Tom and um…if I have ever done anything to hurt you I am sorry.”

“You would really do that for me?”

I could tell he was taken aback by my response. “Sorry?”

“You would take in a single mother and her child?”

“Yes.”

“Why when you have it so good? You’re single and could have any woman you want. Why me?”

“Why not you?  I can’t help who I…like. It just kind of happened. From the moment I saw you, you lit a fire inside of me. When Tom proposed this to me I have to admit I never felt happier. That he would think so highly of me and it meant I would get to keep you in my life. Even if it was just as a friend you’d still always be there.

I was completely overwhelmed. I never expected this from him and I have to admit I had suppressed some of my feelings for him deep down inside of me.  I didn’t know what to do and I said the only thing I could think of even if it may not have been what he wanted to hear at least I wasn’t completely shutting him down.

“I’ll think about it.”


	10. You Gave Me Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Tom to go.

The sky was a dark shade of grey that day in London. Almost as if it knew what was to transpire. Having just given birth 2 months ago it was almost impossible for me to stay with Tom at the hospital for now I had someone else who depended on me for all of his needs. Benedict and Chris were kind enough to watch over him for me rotating out every once in a while or simply giving me a little bit of time to go and see him myself. That morning I fed Will and put him in his swing hoping he would fall asleep so I could get some work done. As I headed into the kitchen the phone rang and my stomach dropped. I don’t know how I knew, but something inside of me just did. I was hesitant to pick up for I didn’t want to even hear the voice on the other end. For a moment it felt as if my heart had completely stopped as I reached out for the phone and pressed the talk button bringing it up to my ear. I could hear heavy breathing on the other end mixed in with horrible loud sobs.  I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat trying my best to keep it together as I finally said hello.

“Nora it’s time.”

I had never heard Chris so broken before in my life and I tried to find every excuse I could to not go to the hospital. I thought if I didn’t go maybe Tom wouldn’t have to either. “Um, what am I suppose to do with Will?” Just then a knock came at the door.

“Diana is going to watch him for you. It won’t take very long he’s fading pretty fast. If you don’t hurry you won’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” I said sternly my entire body becoming numb.

“You have to.”

I left Will with Tom’s mother and raced over to the hospital as quickly as I could. Never in my life have I disobeyed so many traffic signals and I was completely surprised the police hadn’t tried to stop me. I walked through the hospital doors and felt a tight pain in my chest. The more I walked the closer I was to having to let go of the man I loved. Tom wasn’t just my boyfriend he was my first love, my best friend, the father of my son he was everything to me. I stepped into the elevators and began my ascent. It was the longest ride of my life and as the doors opened the pain only intensified. I stepped out and turned my head towards the long hallway to my left. I could see Chris sitting on the floor his head buried in his hands. Here was a grown man completely beside himself and yet I had to be strong enough for everyone. They expected me to comfort them when all was said and done. I couldn’t let them down, I couldn’t let any of them down. As I walked passed him and reached out to open the door it flew open. I stared at Benedict his eyes red and puffy.

“I didn’t think you were going to make it.” He said his voice quivering.

I hung my head tucking my hair behind my ears. “I need you to be strong for me ok? I’m going to need someone to be there for me and Will when all of this is over. I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” That was my way of letting him know that I had indeed decided to move in with him after all I didn’t want to be alone in Tom’s empty house it would kill me. He nodded knowingly and stepped out holding the door open for me as I walked inside. The room was darker than I remembered it, but Chris had mentioned the light only irritated Tom’s headaches so I wasn’t completely surprised. I slowly approached his bed the heart monitor was beating slowly and I could barely hear him breath. Was I too late? Had he simply slipped out of consciousness before I could talk to him?

I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hand across his arm. “Tom?”

His eyes fluttered open briefly before closing again. “Nora I’m so tired.” He whispered in a soft yet raspy voice.

“I know you are darling.”

“You know you don’t always have to be so strong.”

Hearing him say that broke something inside of me and I could no longer hold back my tears. I threw my head down burying my face in his chest and soaking his hospital gown in my tears. I clung to him like a child clinging to their mother.

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

He reached over and placed his hand on my head stroking my hair exhausting every bit of strength he had left. “I will always be with you.”

“It’s not the same. I can’t live without you.”

“You can and you will. Thank you for giving me the strength to make it this far for giving me my son.”

“I love you.”

I waited to hear him say it back I needed to hear him say it. I heard him let out a long hard breath his chest falling and his hand became still. I listened as the heart monitor began to slow and then silence. I pulled my head up staring at that green flat line trying to hold it together, but I completely lost it. I looked into his half open eyes the life drained from them and I just couldn’t let go.

“NO COME BACK!” I shook him as I screamed those words repeatedly. The door opened and I turned to look at the two men who stood there staring at me. “TELL HIM TO COME BACK!” I felt Chris grab ahold of me trying to pull me away, but my grip on Tom’s gown was even too much for him to handle. “NO I DON’T WANT TO LET GO!” It took Chris and Ben, plus 3 of the hospitals staff to rip me away. As they drug me out into the hallway still kicking and screaming it hit me harder than I ever expected it to. Tom was gone.

* * *

His funeral was scheduled for that Saturday, which to no one’s surprise was the same day as one of the heaviest rainfalls England has ever seen. I sat there in the dark with Will in my arms staring at the wall unable to even move. I watched as the light from the open door crept across the room and Benedict stood there looking at me.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” I nodded turning away from him slipping back into my trance. “Nora you need to go. You need closure.”

“I will never have closure. I didn’t get to hear him tell me he loved me one last time. Do you know how much that hurts me?”

“I can’t even begin to imagine.” He stepped into the room turning on one of the lamps and making his way over to the couch. “But this is no way to live.”

“The only thing keeping me here is my son. If I had my way I would have died right along with Tom.”

“Don’t say things like that.” He knew I was completely inconsolable, but he had to at least try. “I will be there with you the whole time. I know you feel very alone right now, but you’re not.”

“I am alone.” I turned my head looking at him. I could see the pain in his own eyes and yet I didn’t care. I was being completely selfish in thinking I was the only one who had lost Tom and nothing was going to change that. “Don’t you have a funeral to go to?” Those were our parting words as he left and turned the light out slamming the door behind him and leaving me there to wallow in my own self-pity.

I laid there with Will crying so hard I made myself sick. As I returned from the bathroom for the 4th time within the past few hours I took note of my cell phone ringing. Surely it was another attempt by Benedict to get me to show up. I reached into my purse very irritated and told the person on the other end to shove it up their arse.

“Nora Benedict’s been in an accident.” Chris exclaimed and I rolled my eyes thinking that this surely was the most disgusting trick anyone has ever played on me.

“That’s not fucking funny. You know you have a lot of nerve…”

“He was coming back from the cemetery and a van ran a red light. I saw the whole thing I was right behind him.”

“Chris just stop it.”

“NORA LISTEN TO ME! TOM IS GONE HE’S BURIED IN THE GROUND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, BUT YOU ARE BEING GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE HERE! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT TOM DID FOR YOU? I LOVE YOU IT’S JUST WORDS NORA! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! NOW I’M HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT BENEDICT YOU’LL MEET ME THERE IF NOT THEN I GUESS IT IS WHAT IT IS!”

He then hung up and I stood there completely stunned. I had never had anyone yell at me like that before and his words rotated heavily in my mind. I then felt that same pit in my stomach the same one I felt when I went to the hospital to say my goodbye’s too Tom. I quickly grabbed my jacket and bundled up Will heading straight for the hospital and now regretting ever missing Tom’s funeral.

When I got there they informed me that Benedict had been taken upstairs and was being released soon. As bad as the accident was, his car was completely totaled; he walked away with only a few scratches. I waited in the sitting area and when he came through those doors he seemed quite amazed to see me.

“Are you ok?” I asked approaching him with my baby in my arms. I stared at the cut on his forehead and the bruise that was beginning to form on his cheek. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“It’s alright you were upset. I shouldn’t have pushed you so much.”

I bit my bottom lip wanting to say so much to him. “Chris said some things to me that I guess I never really realized. I’ve been so hung up on the fact that I didn’t get to hear Tom tell me he loved me before he went, but he didn’t have to. He showed me he loved me in more ways than I could have ever dreamed of and one of the ways was by bringing you to me.”

“Nora…”

“You have done more for me than anyone and Tom loved me enough that he would pick the best person for me a person who loves me and…” I smiled to myself. “…who I love back just as much.”

His eyes widened. “Do you mean that?”

“I do. I love you.” And then without hesitation I leaned forwards grabbing the back of his head and pulling his face into mine for our first kiss. It was everything I ever expected it to be and more. He pulled away his eyes closed clearly still in awe of everything that had happened. “I want to go see him.”

Benedict drove me back to the cemetery despite his injuries and was kind enough to watch Will as I stepped out of the car and into the wet English weather making my way towards the mound of fresh dirt which had turned into mud. I looked it over and then looked at the headstone. It was all real none of it was a dream. I couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened anymore I couldn’t escape it.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you today.” I whispered covering my mouth to keep myself from making too much noise. I shivered as the rain continued to beat down on me completely soaking my clothing. 

“I don’t know what to say. I guess I should thank you. Even in death you gave me life and I never took the time to realize it. The entire time you were sick all you thought about was me. You wanted to make sure I was taken care of to make sure Will would be o.k. I will miss you for the rest of my life and I want you to know that you will never be far from my mind. Just know that I’m ok and don’t forget to visit me sometime ok? Be good Tom. This isn’t goodbye it’s just see you later.”


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happened after Tom's death.

Benedict and I were married 2 years later and our daughter Jane was born 6 months after. When she was 3 we welcomed our second daughter Eleanor and 2 years later the son we had been hoping for, Timothy, made an appearance. It’s safe to say they kept us busy and we were happy. Before I knew it, it was time for Will to return to Eton for his final school year. Summer break was never long enough, than again no mother could get enough time with her child. As always Ben and I were there to make sure he got himself situated though this year something was different about him.

Will was a carbon copy of his father in both appearance and personality though on occasion I could see a bit of myself in him. I stood in the doorway of his room watching him organize his study space. It was like I was looking at Tom and sometimes it was easy to lose myself.

“Mum.” I snapped from my trance and smiled softly at him. “Did you and dad pack the Loki helmet?”

For whatever reason Will insisted on toting his father’s horned helmet to school with him every year. “I’m sure it’s here somewhere. I know I told your dad to pack it.”

A knock came at the door and there was Benedict wearing Tom’s gold helmet. “I am burdened with a glorious purpose.”

Will approached me and leaned over whispering in my ear. “Mum he’s embarrassing me.”

I chuckled and reached up removing the helmet from my husband’s head handing it over to Will. “Why are you wearing your Rattigan tie?” I asked tucking my finger underneath it.

“Is he still upset I didn’t go to Harrow?”

“I’m not upset.” Benedict insisted pushing his wire framed glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I told you I would support you no matter where you went to school. I am simply showing you what you missed out on.”

Will rolled his eyes and shook his head laughing to himself.

“Ah Will. Good to see you all again. Are you trying out for any plays again this year?” I hadn’t yet met Will’s drama teacher and upon hearing the news I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t told us what he was really doing while he was away at school.

 “Will you never told us you were doing the plays at school.”

He sighed. “I didn’t want to stir up any bad memories for you.”

My heart melted at the idea that he was simply trying to protect his mother. “That’s very nice of you, but I think it’s a good thing for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.” Ben chimed in a certain sparkle in his eye. “I may not have convinced you to go to Harrow, but I think that you wanting to go into acting makes up for it.” I elbowed him and he winced slightly.

“Has he gotten taller?” His teacher asked and I nodded.

“He grew 5 inches over the summer. He’s officially 6’2 and taller than any of us. I’m hoping he won’t grow anymore or else we’ll be calling the Guinness Book of Records.”

“Mum.”

“Sorry.”

His teacher bid us farewell and disappeared around the corner leaving us there to say our final goodbyes. I walked over to him and cupped his face in my hands staring into his bright bluish green eyes.

“You be good. You hear me?” He nodded. “I can’t believe you’re going to be 18 already. It seems like I just had you yesterday.”

“You tell me that every year.”

“Well you’re my first born and I feel like you grew up far too quickly.” I then threw my arms around him hugging him tightly. “I love you Will.”

“I love you too mum.”

I then let him go and wiped the tears that had fallen from my eyes. “Alright well. I’ll go wait in the car.” I walked passed Benedict patting him on the arm. “Don’t be too long.” I then headed back outside allowing the two of them some alone time.

Benedict scratched his head taking in his surroundings. “I never thought I’d be standing in Eton. Every year since you were 13. I’ll actually miss it.”

“Liar.”

“O.K. I won’t. Have you given any thought as to where you might want to go to University?”

Will nodded giving him a wide smile. “I’m pretty much set on going to Manchester.”

Benedict reached out and pulled him into a hug. “You’re a good boy Will. You always have been and I may not tell you this enough, but I am very proud of you.” The two men released each other and exchanged smiles. “Don’t get into any trouble now. You better invite me to all your plays this year.”

“I will. Oh by the way.” He ruffled his blonde curly hair. “Tim has been saying _Floreat Etona_ all summer. You may be returning to Eton sooner than you think Harrow boy.”

* * *

“Everything alright?” I asked as Benedict got into the car. “You seem a little upset.”

“I think Tim is going to pick Eton.”

I laughed. “Oh come on it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“I just always thought at least one of my boys would follow in their old man’s footsteps.”

“Well you still have time. I’m sure you can convince him that Harrow is far more hip.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Benedict can I ask you something?” I drew in a deep breath before sighing heavily. “Have I loved you enough?”

“What?”

“Have I loved you enough? Have I been a good wife and mother?”

He leaned back in his seat a little confused as to where all of this was coming from. He could have continued to interrogate me, but instead he simply answered me.

“I have never felt more loved in my entire life. You are the best wife any man could ever ask for and I wouldn’t let anyone else be the mother of my children. That is the god honest truth.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly feeling a sort of peace within myself. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now let’s get home. I have to talk to Tim.”

* * *

“Well dad here we are again. It’s my last year at Eton can you believe it? The Headmaster says I have until evening to get back to school so we have some time. Every year I come and see you, but there’s one thing I never got to tell you. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long and I do apologize for it. I wanted to tell you thank you. You have given me a wonderful mother and father I really couldn’t ask for two better people. Benedict has always been there when I needed him and mum is just great I love them both very much. I feel like I know you even though you died before I was even 2 months old. Mum talks about you a lot and so does Ben. It reminds me a lot of myself I never realized how a like we really are. It kind of made me really miss you. As much fun as it is hearing all the stories about you I wish you could have told me them yourself. I don’t want you to think I’m bitter because I’m not I’ve had a great life. I’m going out for the school plays again this year before heading out to the University of Manchester. That made Ben happy. I’ll probably end up at RADA afterwards I really want to be an actor like you and him. I hope I can be just as good as you were. I have seen both Thor movies and The Avengers more times than I can count and you were really talented. I guess you passed some of that on to me I don’t really know. Your Loki helmet is safe at school with me. Mum said you were particularly fond of it so I made it a point to look over it for you. I wear it every now and then when I want to scare away the younger boys. It works pretty well and I’m very protective of it. I don’t even let anyone breathe heavy on it. Um…I promise I am a very well behaved young man and I’m nice to my siblings no matter how annoying they may get. I don’t know if I believe in heaven or hell, but if you are up there with this God they talk about I know you’re probably giving him one hell of a time. Just know that I did grow up to be a fine upstanding young man and we’re all happy. Very very happy. It’s like mum always says this isn’t goodbye it’s just see you later.”


End file.
